Night Vale

Welcome To Night Vale Proverbs For Every Moment In Your Life

Take a vacation down to Night Vale, and never come back.


The proverbs at the end of every Welcome To Night Vale episode gives us a little insight into life. In a weird way, it can teach us, since of course, we burned down the library, again and again, and again. Sometimes you may think you know how to successfully live your life, but you would be wrong. Very wrong. So here is a collection of proverbs for every moment of your remaining life, that is, if you are not already dead.

1. For when you are feeling down.

Sometimes life puts you down, down into a hole that you just can not seem to get out of. Sometimes that hole is already filled in and you are just clawing your way at the dirt. Sometimes you are the dirt. Be the dirt, or just read these proverbs. Whatever you may think will help you escape.

"Throw your hands in the air. Now your arms. Keep detaching limbs and throwing them in the air. Hopefully, the birds will be sated and leave." - Ep. 31: A Blinking Light Up On the Mountian

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never quite describe the pain." - Ep. 32: Yellow Helicopters

"Thank you for your interest in a life free of pain. We're not accepting applications at this time. Please try again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again..." -Ep. 34: A Beautiful Dream

"Ignore all the haters telling you that everything isn't a sandwich. Everything is a sandwich." - Ep. 42: Numbers

"At your smallest components, you are indistinguishable from a forest fire." - Ep. 44: Cookies

"Dance like the government is watching." - Ep. 84: Past Time

2. For when you need relationship advice.

Ahh, love. Love is a wonderful thing. Did you know when most female spiders are in love they eat their lover? Maybe you should give that a try. That's right. Eat your lover. Show how much you really and truly love them. If that does not work out, maybe look to these proverbs for some advice.

"If you love someone, set them free. Set them free now. This is the police, and we have you surrounded." Ep. 22: The Whispering Forest

"If you love something, set it free. If it starts flying around and chirping, it was probably a bird." - Ep. 46: Parade Day

"There are hot singles in your area, and they all died exactly 20 years ago, on a night just like tonight." - Ep. 80: A New Sheirff in Town

"You'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, but you'll catch even more with a corpse of some sort." - Ep. 108: Cal

"Follow your heart; you need it. Where did it ever learn to walk?" - Ep. 132: Niecelet

3. For when you need hope.

Hope is what will destroy society. Hope is what will destroy you. Why are you needing hope? Do you want to be destroyed for all eternity? I cannot fathom why you would wish that upon yourself. If that is the case, maybe these proverbs will give you the hope you are searching for.

"Look to the north. Keep looking. There's nothing coming from the south." - Ep. 1: Pilot

"Today is the last day of your life up to this point." - Ep 11: Wheat and Wheat By-products

"Biologically speaking, we are all people, made up of smaller people." - Ep.14: The Man in the Tan Jacket

"Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Except ostriches. What the hell, man?" - Ep. 51: Rumbling

"When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true, but because of distance, not for millions of years." -Ep. 66: worms..

4. For when you feel lost and confused. 

If it is not found, it is lost. Just like that missing sock of yours. You never did find it did you? It won't find you either. It is gone now. Gone forever, and ever and ever and ever and, wait. There is it. It was on your foot all along. Silly you.

"Lost? Confused? Lacking direction? Need to find a purpose in your life?" - Ep. 6: The Drawbridge

"Look to the sky. You will not find answers there, but you will certainly see what everyone is screaming about."- Ep. 30: Dana

"Feeling lost? Like you have no goal in life? Like you're covered in dirt and wet leaves? Like you're an earthworm? Are you an earthworm? Kinda sounds like you're an earthworm, actually." -Ep. 48: Renovations

"There is no proof you exist. Only evidence." - Ep. 111: Summer 2017, Night Vale, USA

5. For when you are hungry.

We had hope that consuming your lover would have satisfied you, but at this point, you can no longer be satisfied. Nothing pleases you anymore. You must consume more because you are more. You are enlightened. You are better. But you are not better than this.

"Eating meat is a difficult moral decision, because it's stolen, that meat. You should apologize." -Ep. 10: Feral Dogs

"Your body is a temple. A temple of blood rituals and pagan tributes, a lost temple, a temple that needs more calcium. You should maybe try vitamin supplements." - Ep. 29: Subway

"You say potato, I say potato. Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato. Potato. Yes, this is very good. Let's keep going. Potato. Potato. Potato." - Ep. 71: Review

"If a car flashes its brights at you, it's probably a gang. And if you flash your brights back, the gang gives you cake. It's a cake gang." - Ep. 78: Cooking Stuff: Thanksgiving Special

"You are what you eat. That's very confusing phrasing; let me simplify: You consume your own flesh. Much clearer." - Ep. 105: What Happened at the Smithwick House

6. For when you are struggling with finding sacrifices...

The time has come. This is what we have been preparing you for. This is your purpose. This is your life now. You never should have started reading this. You never should have turned on your electronic device this morning. You brought this upon yourself. Now go, fulfill your duty.

"You can't get blood from a turnip. Listen, you need some blood? I can totally get you some blood. Set that turnip down and follow me to the blood. There's a lot of blood." - Ep. 40: The Deft Bowman

"Get the body you've always wanted. We know where it's buried, and can lend you a shovel." - Ep. 68: Faceless Old Woman

"Candles lit, runes drawn upon the floor, sacrifice prepared. Everything is ready for the summoning. I begin the incantation: "Shakira, Shakira!"" - Ep. 74: Trypitch

You are done. You have completed your task to enter adulthood. Now, you are prepared for what you will tackle in life. Tackle life hard, harder than you have done before. I recommend some padding. Just in case you know? I've heard life sometimes gives you lemons. No. Life pelts you with lemons. So, throw them back, harder.

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.

Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.

2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.

4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.


Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.

I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.

I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.

As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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