I was on Instagram, like any other day, and I came across this meme that said, “New Yorkers have the right to think they are better than everyone, I’ve been here for two weeks, and I already think that” I never had this type of New York arrogance until I left New York. If you're reading this and you are a purebred New Yorker I’d advise to leave New York and experience your true worth in a world of non-New Yorkers. As for you non-New Yorkers if you're offended I’m kind of sorry but not really cause you just won’t understand, I am more offended that you are not a New Yorker in the first place. And for those who don’t care to EVER live in New York well then you’re just too simple for me and you should probably stop living under a rock you stupid suburbanite. A suburbanite would apologize for my harsh words but New Yorkers don’t apologize for speaking their truth. Note that as my first reason why I am better than everyone else.
1. We Have Opinions, So Let Me Tell You About Them.
I mean the city is filled with people shoving their opinions down everyone throats. I challenge you to walk down any street south of 35th and find one block without graffiti of some form, from someone expressing themselves or telling you to expresses yourself.
Us New Yorkers love “expression" and love to tell people to express themselves, it's just another way we like reminding everyone that we are different and unique and you just aren’t. We love sharing our opinions, even if you don’t ask. I mean during this past election it was like world war III on my Facebook timeline, I’m sorry I forgot you were reporting live from CNN. Our favorite is when someone doesn’t agree with our positions, it just gives us more chances to talk about our side and shit on everyone else.
2. We Don't Really Give a F**k.
That was harsh, I "do me” and everyone else can either take it or leave it. It's just the kind of attitude every New Yorker has, we all do whats best for ourselves and mind our own business. It sometimes shocks me as to how little we care what people think.
This is probably not new to you but when you see a homeless woman undressing and yelling at pedestrians butt naked on the streets and not one person reacts, that is the purest form of not giving a fuck. It’s all apart of the New York mindset. I think it's really cute when tourists get scared by homeless people on the street, I promise they won't touch you, they’re so drugged up they are probably more scared of you.
3. Everyone loves New York.
Have you seen any movie ever? Chances are New York is like totally that person's dream! Do you think Miley Cyrus knows your random town in bumblef**k Alabama, maybe I don’t know her life, but I know for damn straight she’s been to New York a couple of times. I never feel like I have to go into much detail when I say Manhattan, you pretty much get the picture.
If you ask me if my life is like Gossip Girl you are for sure not from New York, and no my life is not like Gossip Girl but I might say yes just to play into your lack of New York knowledge.
4. We Are Fashion
You like fashion, well New Yorkers got it! We can’t help it; fashion is just something that comes naturally. We even make homeless look chic! We wear what we want. Guys wear skirts and they will make everyone want to rock a skirt.
Look on any social media platform, all the chic bloggers either come from New York or are inspired by New York. So if you truly believe you're stylish, trendy and fashion is your passion blah blah blah, your thank you notes are welcomed.
Don't you dare make fun of a New Yorkers outfit because I promise you in five years you will be wearing it. Also, your boho homeless look you bought from urban outfitters for $200 dollars, us New Yorkers call that thrifting.
5. We Never Sleep
After leaving New York for college, I never cherished the pure gold of a late night bit after a long night of partying.New Yorkers just simply never sleep, we like living life to the fullest and every hour spent sleeping is just an hour wasted. We can sleep when we are dead!
It truly depresses me that I can’t get a god damn piece of pizza after 10 o’clock, New York would never do that to me. Stumbling into a pizzeria at two o’clock surrounded by other hungry partiers is like a comforting sanctuary where I don't feel judged that my smokey eye turned into a smokey face; and that my perfectly straightened hair is now a nice mix of curls and sweat. The truest of New Yorkers will keep that look on for the next day and rock the hungover leave me the f**k alone face because who has time to go home and actually shower, just throw some sunglasses on god damn it.
6. We don't need gyms
Who needs a gym when all you do it walk everywhere, to a suburbanite that sounds miserable. Using your legs for what they were made for? That's why we have cars, DUH! Why do you think you see so many people in workout gear, it’s because we are getting our daily cardio in. Dodging traffic burns more calories than any machine you will find at the gym, you try getting across fifth avenue without breaking a sweat.
I didn’t realize how rare it was to actually walk places until I was walking back from class one day and my friend pulled up to me with true concern. I kid you not she forced me into her car and drove me back to my dorm two blocks away; she was genuinely concerned for my sanity. Us New Yorkers would actually rather walk places than Uber. The fresh air and city lights are like vitamins for us, we need it to survive.
Leaving New York was like breaking up with a long-term boyfriend everything reminds you of New York, even the Starbuck is better in New York. It didn’t help when professors would talk about New York City like it was a myth. New York is not some backdrop you can replace with a green screen. I don’t hate you cause you’re not from New York, you’re not from New York because we hate you. Unless you're from California then we don’t hate you, you're just too soft for New York.
* No suburban residents were harmed in the process of writing this article. This article was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings, it's all fun n games. I promise not every New Yorker is like this but then again, are they really a New Yorker then? But on a real note this was a joke, so laugh and promise me you will never ever go to Times Square.
