Am I an introvert living in an extrovert body, or am I an extrovert coming out of my introverted shell?
Ever since I was able to comprehend thoughts, I was under the impression that I would be the shy person that never raised their hand nor made friends outside of her group of four in fear of not fitting in. My voice was quiet to the point of being asked to speak up when I was called on. Even going out in public was a hassle—I would be terrified to go to stores and talk to cashiers by myself, would never ask for help finding things even if I desperately needed it, and was constantly in fear of seeing people I knew in public.
Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and suddenly I have more than four friends, can go to stores just fine, have an abundance of energy, and I talk a little louder than I probably should.
Funny enough, I retook my Myers-Briggs personality test to see if anything had changed in the two years that have passed since my first time, and the results were as I expected—I went from an INFP to an ENFP (for those of you who don’t know, the I stands for introverted and E stands for extraverted).
The thing I question is whether I’ve actually changed, or if I have simply come out of my shell. My issue is that I still have many qualities of an introvert, such as taking more time to reflect rather than acting impulsively, preferring to form a few really close bonds and having many so-so friends rather than being friends with every person I can without getting to know them well, and draining easily from socializing or being out. I love being alone and having time to simply be with myself, free from conversation and work.
Confusingly, of course, I also love to hang out with friends, get bored easily, and love to speak loudly and often.
After I retook the test, I turned to Google to see if there were any answers for my identity crisis, and that is where discovered the word 'ambivert.' Though it’s not really a word you can find in the dictionary, it still makes sense to me — it’s the middle ground. It’s when you can have fun being social and active, but have to have the same amount of rebound time for yourself to recharge. It’s me.
I still don’t know when or why my mind decided that I would become more of an extrovert. There was never a moment where I climbed into a chrysalis and emerged a social butterfly. As far as I’m aware, it just kind of… happened. I ended my high school year with my close-knit friend group, usually too shy to speak up in class, and am now one of the most talkative people in all of my classes, putting myself out there and finding myself surrounded with new friends. Perhaps it’s the environment I find myself in now, or perhaps all of the sudden changes with college have forced my inner exuberant self to make an appearance.
While nothing really makes sense and I know it may never get to that point, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone, and that I’m not the only one floating in a social purgatory. There’s others that may be experiencing the same exact thing I am, and if you’re one of those people and you’re reading this right now, don’t worry — I’m with you.
