I've Never Had A Conventional "Home"
Start writing a post
Student Life

I've Never Had A Conventional "Home"

For approximately nine years of my life I lived in the same house, but it could never be permanent

I've Never Had A Conventional "Home"
Faryal Mirza

Permanent. Roots. Stability. Home.

Many take these words for granted, as though they are easily accessible to all. It is not always a conscious choice, instead they unknowingly dismiss these terms in their life. Yet all I have ever wanted was what these words represented in a physical sense. Over time I realized that though I craved the physical aspect of these words, I had them in an unconventional manner.

Throughout my life people have always made remarks of wonderment or envy when hearing my explanation of where I am from. I have never had one answer or even a concise answer, I instead have a grocery list of cities. Over the course of 19 years my biggest fear has become the question of where are you from?

I dread this simple question, because for me it has never been a simple answer. When I lived in the USA it never felt right to say I was ‘American’, instead I would say that I was Pakistani American. When my family relocated to Dubai I then began to question what the term ‘home’ meant, and where I was from. I could always answer the question in a variety of ways, and still do at times. Over time it became clear to me that I would have to create my own version of it, since the conventional term could never fit into my life.

My yearning to have roots I could plant somewhere manifested into forming close bonds with family and friends. I began holding onto memories, not to live in the past with, but instead find comfort in.

From the ages of 9 to 18 I lived in the same house. However, I could never become attached. I could not let myself form roots that spiraled beneath the foundation, because I knew one day they would be ripped out.

For nine years I was in a place that could never be a constant. Fingers were traced along the same stairwell. Sleepless nights were spent staring up at the same spotted ceiling. Days of frustration left marks on the same closet door. Comfort in imperfections was developed upon looking at the chips on the same walls. Tears, laughter, conversations, moments of bliss, and silent extensional crisis’ filled the same halls. In the back of my mind I always knew that new individuals would replace us, creating new moments within the same walls.

Dubai is one of the most sought after destinations in the world. For many it is the ideal location for vacations and a break from reality. However, Dubai is not a place of permanence. It is instead Disneyland. Everyone is allowed to enter and enjoy what it has to offer. Yet when the closing bell rings you must leave, taking only what you can fit in a shipping container. Now that it is time for my family to leave Disneyland, I realize that Dubai could never be a home and that is ok.

Since I have never had a physical home base I have learned to adapt. Now I think of people, memories, food, and experiences as a place to lay roots. I slowly have stopped craving permanency. Overtime I have understood that I can have a 'home' even if I may not know where my physical home may lay.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

My September Faves

Here are some of my faves during the month of September


Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

9 Things Tall People Are Tired Of Hearing

Yep. The weather is fine up here... I've totally never heard that before.


Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE being tall. Sometimes I even wish I was taller. One of the downsides of being tall however, is having to put up with ridiculous questions and statements. I can assure that all tall people are tired of being asked what the weather is like "up here", but here are a few other things we don't want to hear anymore.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

30 Signs You're From Wisconsin

When you say Wisconsin, you've said it all!


We truly love it here in the Badger State. Here are a few things Wisconsinites can relate to.

Keep Reading... Show less

Five Types Of People In Fall

From yummy pumpkin spice lattes to scary movies, fall has it all and then some.

Destination Logan County Illinois

Oh fall, the most marvelous time of year...right? Every approaches fall differently, some pumpkin spice-tastically and some not so enthusiastically. We can't all be Autumn lovers, so here are five types of people in fall. Grab a cup of hot coca, sit back, and enjoy.

Keep Reading... Show less

If you're like me, by this time of year you're over summer. The beach, the sunshine, and the heat were all great, but now we're itching for blanket scarves, football, and pumpkin spice EVERYTHING! As the new season approaches, your relationship can benefit from some old traditional dates and some new fresh ideas! Here are a couple great date ideas for you and your boo to try out this fall.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments