No! That was my parent’s favorite word to use when I asked them if I could go trick-or-treating.

As a kid, I had to watch my friends knock at my door and ask for candy. I was frustrated, not wanting to talk to my parents for weeks after they crushed my dreams of going out on Halloween.

I grew up in a conservative Christian family, where even being excited for Halloween was considered the work of the devil.

Entering elementary school, I would tell my parents costume ideas but get immediately turned down and not taken seriously. None of my outbursts of tears, sporadic movements, and unceasing screaming would convince my parents to let me even dress up for Halloween. I thought I had the worst parents ever.

At six, I learned to hate my parents.

Fast forward to middle school – I was somehow considered a “popular” kid amongst my peers. October rolled around, and my friends started to ask each other if they wanted to trick-or-treat together. In the end, almost all my friends agreed to form a trick-or-treating group. When they asked me if I wished to join, I regretfully had to decline.

I already knew that if I would ask my parents for permission, they would say the word I hated the most. They would ask me to tell my reasoning, but I would be too embarrassed to explain to them about my parents’ faith.

So, I stayed home and went to sleep early to let the day pass. I remember the day of and week after Halloween as one of the loneliest, depressing times of my middle school life.

At the time, I learned that believing in Christianity was not something I should be proud of if I wanted to make friends.

My perspective started to change when I entered high school. I started to understand more about the Christian faith and eventually joined it as a freshman. I began to adopt many of my parent’s beliefs, acting differently among my friends and living for a different purpose.

When October rolled around, I was less excited to go trick-or-treating since my identity wasn’t fixated on the amount of approval I get from my peers. Furthermore, I started to realize that I didn’t need a day like Halloween to get closer to friends.

I, thus, figured that my parents were teaching me to be content with the time they allow me to have with friends.

I still appreciate those who celebrate Halloween. It’s a fun time to get together with friends and family, but it’s not something that is a must-have.

My heart goes out to those who have never gone trick-or-treating, but I plead that you understand that you haven’t missed much in your friend group.