Just because you think and feel like you are alone doesn't mean that you are.

Last week I was having a really tough week. I was mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. I felt alone and anyone I had tried to get a hold of was too busy or had something better to do. I felt so alone. Alone in a crowd of people was how I felt all week. I finally had a breaking point on Friday and went on a spontaneous drive after work. I had forgotten my phone and didn’t want my boss to have to come back just for a phone so I just left it at work for the weekend. I was about to head back to school when I had an overwhelming feeling and I just needed someone to talk to. I tried to think of anyone who could help me but I couldn’t think of anyone and I didn’t have a phone to contact them anyway. I just kept thinking “why am I always alone.” Then it hit me like a wall of bricks. There is always someone I can talk to, God. God will always be there for me when I need him because he is present at all times. This really helped me to decide what to do. Although by this time, I had been driving for an hour and a half and I was going in the wrong direction. I decided to go home so I turned around and made mind to go home and spend time with my parents.

The drive was long and tiring and I almost got lost because of construction detours but I finally made it home by 1:00 AM and I quietly snuck into the house. The next morning, I woke up to parents who where so happy to see me. I was finally home. Home is such a small word and for many it is a town or a house but for me home is where my parents are. Over the years I have lived in around 16 houses, apartments, or dorms. In this sense a building is not a home just like a church building is nothing without the people inside of it. My home is in the company of my parents. All Saturday we spent time as a family and enjoyed all the time we had together and on Sunday morning we went to church. Our Sunday school class talked about Samson and all of his mistakes in life. The ones he never saw as mistakes but rather his own decisions and consequences. Right before church started I ran into a friend and her husband. She recently had a baby and it was my first time seeing them since she was born. I of course asked if I could hold her baby Vaeda and they said yes. I was thrilled! I worked in daycare and I was a babysitter for many years. Interacting with children is what made me want to be a teacher but over the last six months I haven’t been around children very much. Holding that Vaeda, seeing my family, singing traditional hymns, and hearing a sermon and Sunday school message that I could relate to was just what I had needed. My heart was full and I knew I just needed to be strong and to believe that I am never alone.

Shortly after church ended I went and visited an old friend before heading out towards Jamestown. At the end of the day I had friends and a family who cared about me and that what got me through my back to school Monday. Little did I know I would find a friend that I had so much in common with that later that day. We where about to study for a test but both needed to confide in someone about our eventful semester. Turns out the semester has been difficult for both of us and we just needed someone to talk to and someone that actually would listen. I made a friend for life this Monday evening and I no longer feel alone.

I doubted in myself and in God to provide for me and yet he is still there for me like he always is and always will be. In my time of need he was there and has always been there.

Be strong, stand firm, have no fear, do not be afraid of them, for Yaweh your God is going with you; he will not fail you or desert you. Deuteronomy 31:6