It’s finally happened. You finally get that special someone to ask you on a date. You’re full of excitement and already figuring out what you’re going to wear. But first- what are you doing? You eagerly await a response. You imagine all the cute things you could be doing: going to the river walk, or the zoo, or put-put golf, or dinner, or Frisbee in the park, or stargazing, or… Netflix. Ok, your first date is going to be Netflix.

But here’s the thing. Netflix really isn’t a first date. And while I know many people have let it be, isn’t a first date supposed to be about getting to know someone? I find it hard to believe that Netflix will accomplish this.

Two scenarios come to mind when you say your first date is Netflix. One is that you’re going to sit in silence and actually watch a movie or TV show. But my question is then, what are you learning about that person other than the fact that they own Netflix and potentially their movie and/or TV preferences? Not much. The other scenario is the scenario I’m sure jumps into most people’s heads when you’re invited over to watch a movie, which very seldom you end up doing. And I would argue that’s not much of a first date either. That’s not testing the waters to see if you two could potentially become something more, that’s jumping in head first and hoping for the best. And I don’t by any means judge if that’s your thing, but I can’t see that as a date either.

Our generation has become so terrified of the concept of actually asking someone out on a date, that when that moment finally occurs, often we don’t know what to do (though a handful of cute suggestions and personal favorites are listed above). So we go to what’s familiar. And what’s more familiar than what you do to fill basically all your free time? (No need to lie, we know if you’re not doing something, you’re probably binge watching Friends or How I Met Your Mother).

But that’s the thing. First dates aren’t supposed to be familiar. If anything, they’re supposed to be the exact opposite. You’re not supposed to know what to expect. You’re probably going to be nervous. And that’s fine! If anything, that’s a good thing.

What we lose when we let Netflix be a first date is a lot of the excitement. You won’t get to catch your date looking at you from across the dinner table. You won’t have the chill run down your spine when your hands touch while walking next to each other. You won’t have the butterflies when they show you how putt-putt is actually done and correct your form.

So go out. Actually do something for your first date. Endure the awkward silences and bad jokes. Actually get to know the person you’re on the date with. If it goes well, I’m sure that a Netflix date really isn’t that far down the road, but don’t let it be how you start.