Okay, first of all, clowns have always been scary. There has not ever been a time that someone experienced genuine joy and happiness from seeing a clown. Why do they wear so much makeup? Hasn’t any misogynistic, self-righteous teenage boy ever told them that less makeup looks better? Why do they have those flowers that squirt water out of them? How do they fit themselves into those tiny cars? Do some clowns have claustrophobia? Why do they have those fake noses? Who taught them how to play the accordion or materialize handkerchiefs from their sleeves? What is with the giant shoes? I know clowns are just the modern day version of court jester’s and fools, but did any king or queen really find their performances entertaining? I don’t know, I guess times were simpler then. Regardless, clowns have always been terrifying. Growing up I had a friend who’s parents literally decorated their house with clown paintings and I never really understood why. Maybe these are the jaded views of someone who has never really been to a circus, maybe I didn’t spend enough time at McDonald’s as a child (thanks, Mom and Dad), but clowns are very emotionally upsetting. So, when all these clown businesses and the ominous clown sightings started, I scoffed at all the people who just realized how terrifying clowns are.
Second, of all, I do not believe any of these videos popping up on social media. Sure they seem convincing, but I am almost positive everyone of them started with a group of bored teenagers who said, “Hey, Bob, how funny would it be if you put on this clown mask and pretended to chase us through the woods?” Most of the pictures and “sightings” going viral are pictures that show up when you Google search “clowns at night.” Most of the “reports” don’t even have pictures or locations associated with them. People are just trying to gain some attention. This is turning into the era of the “Boy Who Cried Clown.”
The scare is especially relevant at universities as, across the country, all week, people have been posting and reporting these sightings. Mobs have formed as reckless kids try to apprehend the clowns. Then, police intervene and arrest or ticket kids who have formed the mob, as there have been instances where the groups are armed with bats, golf clubs, hammers, etc. It’s madness, especially as every clown is just someone dressed up as a clown unless you are legitimately going to a circus, parade, county fair or another similar event that would justify the presence of a clown. Then, those are real clowns going about their business of attempting to entertain people in their weird clown ways. This whole situation is just bringing shame to professional, trained clowns trying to make a living. Unless you see a guy in a mask with an actual weapon, which is something you should always be wary of, I don’t think there’s much reason to be frightened. But, if you want to, there’s no harm in exercising caution- carry around pepper spray, learn some simple self-defense, implement the buddy system when going out, learn how to weaken a clown by stealing his wig or something. Until this all blows over, which will likely be after Halloween, all we can do is long for the days when we can look back on "The Great Clown Scare of 2016” and laugh about it (no pun intended).
