Nearly 13 years ago, I had my first day of school. I entered Ms. Dooley's class, five years old and eager to experience what exactly "school" was. I never slept during nap time, and I would often purposely leave my lunch at home that way I could get an apple from the school. I colored something that was supposed to be black, brown.
Nearly 12 years ago, I had my first day of first grade. Mrs. Lockwood was warm and welcoming. I struggled to make friends, as most of the people in my class did part time kindergarten. I was one of the best readers in the class, and I rocked the princess outfit that I wore for Halloween, despite ripping the back.
Nearly 11 years ago, I had my first day of second grade. I brought my stuffed sheep and monkey and "misplaced them", so that Mrs. Sheehan would call me and everyone would see how cute my stuffies were. I continued to learn with my wonderful friends, trying to make my handwriting look unique by add loops and curls.
Nearly 10 years ago, I had my first day of third grade. I was with the same teacher and people as I was in second grade. Mrs. Lewis, our assistant teacher, called me Megs and put smileys on all of my spelling tests. I was offered the chance to learn Japanese, and although I don't remember most of it, I can still spell my name. At the end, I had to leave my friends in New York and say hello to Minnesota.
Nearly 9 years ago, I had my first day of fourth grade. I came three weeks in after the school year started, because I struggled to adjust... Mrs. Kuykendall was sweet, helpful, and encouraging. I asked her to change my seating chart so that way I could sit next to my crush, claiming "I need to be around friends to function". I met people vocally disliking me, and I also met my first best friend.
Nearly 8 years ago, I had my first day of fifth grade. I had the coolest teacher ever, Mr. Woody. At lunch, the fifth graders got to eat wherever they wanted, and I felt on top of the world. I was the annoying shusher, who always for 100% on my spelling tests, however I still don't know how I managed to spell "scratch". I feared middle school, because I wouldn't know anyone going.
Nearly 7 years ago, I had my first day of sixth grade. I went to the Middle School that no one from Akin attended. I was lonely, and quiet. I was scared of how people would view me. I luckily had band and choir, where I met others who I shared interests with. I eventually mustered up the courage to be friendly, and I found lasting friendships.
Nearly 6 years ago, I had my first day of seventh grade. Boy oh boy was this my year. I had friends in every one of my classes, and I was content with having let go of band and my bullies. I remember getting my hair cut the Sunday before the year started, and finally beginning to embrace my mane. I met another one of my best friends this year.
Nearly 5 years ago, I had my first day of eighth grade. I was hesitant, and scared. I didn't have many friends in my "house", however I had four of my best ones in challenger with me. I began to understand who I am as a person, and grow more comfortable with crowds. However, there was a nagging gray cloud above me that slowly seeping in, making me feel like I wasn't enough. I still loved the year, though, and all of the memories made (I also discovered my love for pretzels).
Nearly 4 years ago, I had my first day of ninth grade. It was my first day of high school! I was so scared to be in a class with upperclassmen, in classes without any of my friends. I joined BPA, and met my school Mom that year, even if I hadn't gotten to know her yet. I was awkward, uncomfortable in my skin. I broke towards the end of the year, worrying of my faults.
Nearly 3 years ago, I had my first day of tenth grade. I felt the need to be in all these advanced classes, and I was in two AP classes, thinking I would be okay and have plenty of free time, only to get homework on the second day and being overwhelmed by the workload. That annoying gray cloud quickly became black, and overtook my world. I got my first B- I felt like a complete failure, but finishing the year off with B's in my AP classes didn't seem so bad after I thought of all of the achievements I conquered within that year. I made it to state for BPA, I passed both of my exams, and I rededicated myself to God.
Nearly 2 years ago, I had my first day of eleventh grade. I was bitter. I was no longer considered to be in the top ten of my class, only to realize that my experience of adversity ultimately prepared me for life. Eleventh grade was amazing. A best friend of mine came back, and we were unstoppable. My black cloud grew calmer as I turned towards focusing on the positives rather the negatives. I coped with not being perfect, I was content with what I was learning. I developed a voice for myself, most importantly, and learned to speak my mind.
Nearly 1 year ago, I had my first day of twelfth grade. I was worried of graduating, with little idea of what to do. I hated it. The stress of senior year took too much out of me. My mental illness got the best of me, and some of it has forever changed my life, but I know that those changes are reminders on why to recover.
Nearly 4 months ago, I had my first day of college. I was scared of making friends, and felt overwhelmed by the realization I was an adult. I was slightly eager to slip back into old habits, longing for illness once again, but beyond eager, however, to discover more of the self I found through recovery, the self no longer riddled by intrusive thoughts and anxiety due to medication and acceptance. Happiness triumphed comfort, and I thank the Lord for that.
In the next week, I will be completing my first semester of college. I never thought I would ever get to this spot. Since I could process my depression, parts of me hoped I wouldn't make it to see the day I turned 16, graduate, experience true and unconditioned happiness, let alone attend college. Yet here I am. I am happy, employed, healthy, recovering, engaged, passionate, and so many qualities beyond this. Thank you for those who helped me get here.
I hope to make you proud, and myself as well
