2016 has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. It started off as one and it is going to end as one. A lot has happened in my life and now with the new year coming, I have to for the first time really think about what I want for myself. How do I want to change and grow and what can I do for myself to be a better version of me?

I want to be happier. 2016 has had its moments of fun, but it's also drained me emotionally. I have to take care of myself more and not worry about other people as much. As much as I like to mom, I have to put myself first. I have to take care of myself emotionally and physically. That means going to the gym and eating well enough that I don't feel tired at random times of day. It means continuing counseling, taking care of my brain. I'm a writer and even though you would think being depressed and sad makes me write, that cannot be the solution every time. Being emotionally healthy is important and I have tasted it for a bit and it is a amazing feeling. I want that feeling back.

I have to write more and start focusing on internships to apply to so that I can start the road to my career. I want to write and I want to edit and eventually publish. I want my masters and my PhD. I want it because I want it, not to impress my family and not to prove I'm not failure. I want to continue not giving a shit what people think about me, especially my family. I want to be me and me happy being me as I continue to grow and discover more about me. I'm only 20, I have so much to learn about life.

I want to continue doing well in school and making more friends my age since most of my friends are graduating soon. I want to spend more time with my friends, continuing making more memories. I want to buy new clothes and continue my ever trying reach at dressing more girlie and wear some more makeup. I'm slowly understanding this eye shadow game. I want to save up money and have a paint the town red kind of night for my 21st.

I want a man who challenges me and helps me grow to become the best version of myself. I want someone who takes charge and makes plans, not pushing everything on me to decide. Someone who takes care of me, makes me laugh and gives me tough love when I need it. Someone who is there for me no matter what and helps me tune out my brain from speaking so loud at times causing me to overthink. In turn I want to help him become the best version of himself and make him feel absolutely loved.

2016 has given me a lot and also taken away a quite bit too. It makes me nervous for 2017, but I know I have to keep pushing to be the best. Cry if you have to, but get up anyhow and continue working. 2017 you won't tear me down.