I’m not sure how this tradition of kissing someone at the stroke of midnight on New Year's got started or what it’s significance is, but you won’t find this girl kissing anyone this year and I’m totally okay with it.
I know so many people in committed relationships. Some of the people I graduated high school with are already married, engaged, or have kids. For a while, I felt like I was falling behind. I felt like I should be looking for someone to settle down with too.
If there is one thing I learned in 2017 that I will carry with me into 2018 is that my 20s are my time.
I am well aware that this mindset isn’t for everyone and I am by no means looking down on the people who have already started their lives with someone else.
It's just, for me personally, I’ve never been selfish with my time. I worry about other people a lot and I focus a lot of my energy on that. I always thought that taking time for yourself was a selfish thing and I shouldn’t do it.
I’m not sure if this is an oldest sibling thing or if it’s just something I’ve always convinced myself of, but I have always felt like I constantly have to be doing my best. And if for some reason I’m not doing my best I have to hide it.
But that’s not what your 20s are for. This is the time for me to make mistakes. It’s okay if I don’t have everything figured out.
It’s okay that I’m not in a committed relationship. I have time to find the right guy for me. I’m not falling behind and I know one day I’ll find someone who’s right for me. For now, I’m going to shamelessly have a crush on three different guys in one of my classes and probably never talk to any of them because I’m too busy focusing on myself this year.
This year taught me that my constant need to please other people and make others believe I’m always at my best has left me incomplete. I’m not happy with who I am when I’m all by myself. I search for validation in others when I should be finding it within myself.
So I won’t be kissing anyone when the ball drops to kick off 2018. I’m not starting this year off with anyone because I’m doing this one on my own and I’m focusing on me. A year of personal growth is exactly what I need.
Cheers to 2018 and all the ups and downs that it will bring.
