I've been single my entire life, and I've had my ups and downs in my life because of my loneliness. I'm independent and strong, but I'm also emotionally vulnerable and confused. I've learned a lot by watching my friends deal with their break-ups and bliss, and I'm thankful for every moment of indirect education I've received just from being around them, but I've also been hurt and upset to my core by being overlooked for years.

Back in middle school, my friends were getting their first "boyfriends" and were going on group dates to the mall or the movies. They were head over heels and in "like" with each other (let's face it, they had no idea what love was), and they were basing their relationships off what was going on in their favorite TV shows or in the "Clique" series. In middle school, I was asked on a date as part of a dare and I never had a boy think twice about me, to my knowledge. I wasn't really "boy crazy" to begin with, but it still made me blush when my friends would talk about the guys who had crushes on them while we waited for our parents to pick us up from school.

In high school, there was a similar theme of everyone having a boyfriend at some point except for me and a few of my close friends. The girls who had boyfriends could be overheard talking about what happened at a party or why they broke up. Some girls would even talk about their "first times" so openly that it made me embarrassed for them! Once I got into high school, I actually started caring about not having a boyfriend, and it would make me super upset when I thought about the fact that I had been single for 15-18 years. I had to go to prom with guys who were only my friends and I didn't ever have any crazy "parking lot" stories. I was wildly inexperienced, and one could even argue that I still am.

Now that I'm in college, I'm still one of the only girls I know of who have never had a boyfriend. People my age are having babies and getting married when all I am focused on is making myself limit my coffee intake to once a week and going to bed at a decent hour. Recently, I've been getting bothered by being single a lot more often than normal. Is there something wrong with me? Is it because I'm fat? Are guys afraid of me because I'm awkward around them? Is it because I speak my mind? I've racked my brain for a reason why I'm still single at least a million times to no avail. I attended a wedding without a "plus one" (shocking) and I felt so awkward being there without a date. I've third-wheeled on far too many dates. I'm the classic happy-but-perpetually single fat friend from every TV show these days.

There are days where I'll wallow in self-pity and feel sorry for my predicament, but I snap out of it because I remember that I'm better than petty sadness.

I always joke with my friends and family when it comes to guys by saying, "Boys don't like me yet; I haven't hit my prime." I hear all the time that all I have to do is "put myself out there" and "just be myself" around a guy, but I don't know how to even manage to "put myself out there" and I think I scare guys off by being myself! I've also been advised to join Tinder or some other dating apps, but I can't connect with someone through a photo and an app without feeling like I'm being played. In being "forever alone," (throwback to that awful meme) I have learned to be fiercely independent and I know how to fend for myself; therefore, if I ever do find myself in a crappy relationship, I will know how to go back into the single life and not have to re-learn how to live. My independence is probably off-putting to some guys, but I'd rather be fierce than feeble.

Being a total hopeless romantic isn't helpful, either. I believe that there will be a day where I can sing "I was made for loving you, baby. You were made for loving me!" to someone in the worst Paul Stanley voice ever and they'll sing along with me. I believe there will be a day where I'll be able to do the dance to "Try A Little Tenderness" from Pretty In Pink in my kitchen and my boyfriend won't be weirded out because he doesn't know what I'm talking about. I believe guys still send girls flowers and take them on random and sweet little dates. I believe affection without lust exists, and I want to have some of that. I believe being faithful and honest are two of the most important parts of a relationship. I believe in real love even if society refuses to, and I know there has to be a man out there who believes in it all, too.

Whatever the case is, I know the perfect guy is out there waiting for me... or maybe his love GPS has him lost in Kalamazoo and he's waiting to be redirected. One of my favorite Tesla songs says "Darling, love is gonna find a way back to you," and I'm holding on to that lyric really tightly. I know the time simply isn't right for Mr. Right to awkwardly moonwalk his way into my life at the moment and that I'm being prepared for when he does with every passing day. Everything happens in God's time, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"
Proverbs 3:5