Hi,

Maybe you read my articles and have never met me in person. Maybe you know me well but don't necessarily know my heart. Maybe you've just passed me in the halls and don't know that I am a complete coffee addict, dog loving, college student. Whoever you are, let me introduce myself.

I am a 19-year-old Washingtonian with a heart for adventure and an incredible love and appreciation for music. Ever since I can remember, my parents brought me up in church and I never really backed out of the understanding that Jesus loves me. Some people don't get the privilege of understanding that at such an early age, but I did. I was home schooled my entire life, and yes, I have my diploma not my GED. I am not sheltered and I do know a lot about life. The fact that I am home schooled does not mean that I know less or more than the average high school graduate and I am capable of understanding things just as much as they are. What I've learned most about that experience is that people feel entitled and that they have financial or personal stability because of the schooling they get. Just because you attended a public school, does not mean you are smarter than the average home schooler. That is a stereotype that I, as well as many others, struggle to live up to.

When I was a baby, I had both heart and hernia surgeries before the age of 2. I am no longer affected by either of these, but because of these situations, my parents grew stronger in their trust in the Lord and that strength and trust eventually affected my life. My parents are not divorced and I do not live in a scary part of town. That does not make me privileged.

I am privileged to be free to practice whatever belief I would like and I am able to speak my own opinion both in person and in a form such as this. I feel privileged because of the life that God has given me. I am not defined by the ethical background I posses, neither the financial status that I hold. I am defined by my worth in Christ, not by the "majority" of "privileged Americans." I am privileged... but not in the way, shape, or form that you may think.

I love coffee, listen to Taylor Swift like it's a religion, and am actively involved in a Baptist church in Vancouver, Washington. Music is the only sport that I know how to play. Call me a band-wagoner or not, but I am fully supportive of the Seattle Seahawks and Seattle Mariners. I do not consider myself in anyway an athletic person, and that's okay. I like Chinese food and coffee and Netflix. That does not mean that I do not have dreams and ambitions.

I am a total dreamer- a complete perfectionist and I am annoyingly competitive.

I laugh too much for the stupidest of reasons.

I have an addiction to puppy dogs and I'm not ashamed to scream "DOG!" in public.

I am extremely shy before you get to know me but after you know me well I am annoying and loud and perhaps that might be one of my insecurities

I'm going to be completely honest with you- I have trust issues and I wouldn't say that I'm comfortable in my own skin. I live with constant fear that the people in my life will decide I am not worth their time anymore and that is caused by a long list of people that decided to do so. I live in a constant need of people who reassure me- if not, I fear. That is one of my constant struggles that I've worked hard to rid, but no matter how hard I try and how hard I trust, I am still learning.

I do not have it all together. I am not as faithful as many actually believe that I am, in fact, more often than not, I fail to trust God to fulfill things in my life. I lean on myself a lot. But despite that, I believe this more than anything else in this world: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Yes, I do serve my church a lot, but sometimes I have those days where I really don't want to. I have to put on a fake smile and pretend that I am doing it with a servant's heart. Preschool ministry is hard and exhausting and sometimes I have days where I don't want to deal with kids. Sometimes I would rather hang out with my boyfriend rather than invest in our youth group. I fail them so often.

Hardly ever am I comfortable with the body that God gave me. I feel like crap most of the time and I have a hard time believing that I am brilliant or beautiful.

One to two years ago, I had a circumstance with a guy who made me feel insignificant and unworthy, but I am thankful for that situation because it not only taught me everything I now understand about God's unchanging, relentless love than anything else ever has but it, in turn, helped me learn how to treat and love on people in a relentless, full-hearted way. I now believe I know what true love really is.

After I graduated, I went on my way to attend a local community college to, yes, save money! I don't believe that community college is any less informative or difficult than a university. No, I don't have perfect grades and I don't have the best experiences with professors sometimes. That has taught me to trust and lean on the Lord a ton.

My bank account has less than $400 in it right now- that scares me. I wonder how I'm going to pull Christmas off, because financially- I am unable to at the moment.

I struggle with the fact that next to no one will hire me. I don't know why I face so much rejection when it comes to job applications and interviews.

I constantly get my hopes up just for them to get let down.

I have experienced what true friendship is- this, in turn, has made me so thankful and appreciative that God knows what I need more than I.

I have experienced what real love is- in that process, it has taught me to trust the Lord's calling and to never judge a book by it's cover. God taught me patience and trust and responsibility in more ways than I can count through the love and support that I have received from the boyfriend I now have.

God has really tested me, he's taught me that my version of a future is no way in line with what he has planned- he's taught me to be okay with that.

The funny thing about God is, unless your story is not in line with his story you'll be travelling down a never-ending, relentless path leading no where.

It's crazy how he can shape you in just a short two years. I used to be scared to be called on when asked to share my testimony, because I felt I didn't have one, but I am quickly realizing that your testimony isn't where you've gone or the tragedy that you've experienced- it's about what God has taught you and what you've experienced in relation to what God is doing in your life, because the truth is, He's always working and He's constantly moving, whether you realize it yet or not. A lot of the times, I find him in the most hidden of places- waiting for me to recognize his existence and reality.