I'm Scared I Will Not Be Enough For My Sister

My Sister Is My Biggest Fan And I'm Afraid To Let Her Down

I never realized being a big sister was something you could fail and ever since I have it is my biggest fear.

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Being only two years younger than my older sister gave me a false perception of what it means to be a big sister. For my and my older sister, Alexis, it meant we would be best friends, do everything together, and fight over something stupid to only make up 5 minutes later. This was the case, but having a sister 8 years younger than me was a whole new level of being a big sister.

Right now my younger sister, Jillian, is 10. In the previous year I coached her in gymnastics. We had a fun time and I knew it was something she really loved doing. At practices I would watch her push herself even if she didn't feel like it just to impress me. I watched her, but it took me a long time to realize she was watching me as well.

There came a point in her life where she saw what she wanted to be inside of me. Not realizing this as a young teen i pushed ehr away. I saw it as annoying, but this was certainly not the case.

After going into high school I came to the realization that she looked up to me. She saw me as a special person in her life. I never saw myself as anyone special just her sister.

I remember being her age and thinking the older kids that sat on the back of the bus were the coolest people in the world. I idolized them like celebrities. I would try and match the things they did, they way they talked, or something the clothing they wore. I don't remember what age I was when I stopped, but I do remember realizing these people aren't special and some of them actually suck. It was a sad realization, but it was something that I believed came with growing up.

Recently Jillian expressed that she no longer wanted to do gymnastics. When my older sister brought this up to me I saw Jillian's face. It was the face you make when someone accidentally spoils a surprise party. You know it would get out eventually, but you just wish that person didn't know. On the inside I was a little bit sad, because it was something we shared, but I knew that her heart wasn't in it anymore. I encouraged her to try other sports and even offered to help. In this moment I knew she was scared of disappointing me, but I also realized I would have easily disappointed her if I were upset.

The way I interact with her has a huge impact on her life, especially with the huge age gap. My biggest fear is that she will get older and realize I am average. I haven't done anything special in my life where she should see me as someone as relevant as God. I am just a normal human being like everyone else. I don't want her to see that. I don't know what to do about it either. She has to grow up one day. Many decisions that I have made in my life reflect my feelings towards her. If she were to find out I made a bad decision it would crush her.

I try my best to be the best version of myself in hopes that it won't disappoint her, but it's not as easy as it seems. She is maturing and growing up faster than I can move. If I could freeze time and come up with things that I knew I would admire when I was her age I would do it in a heart beat.

For now, I will continue to be my best self. I will be her biggest fan no matter what she does. I feel extremely happy to know that she will always have my back and I can only hope that I will continue to be one of her idols until the day I die.

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10 Photos You Have On Your Camera Roll Of Your S.O. When You've Been Dating For More Than A Year

A wide range from "Aw" to "WTF?"

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My boyfriend and I just hit the year and a half mark of dating, even though it seems like we've been together forever. Over the months, we've taken many pictures together... from football games, to his track meets, to holidays. Although we may have a lot of pictures together, I definitely have a lot of candids of him in my camera roll. If you've been dating your partner for as long as I have or longer, then you'll probably notice you have these same pictures in your photos as well.

1. The awkward first photos together

We laugh at these now, especially this one. Why am I so pale compared to him? It was July! And also, we noticed not to long ago that I was sweating under my arms and his underarms were sweating on me... what a great first time meeting!

2. The ones for VSCO

Every girl who has a significant other posts them onto their VSCO. VSCO is like Instagram, but more has more aesthetically pleasing pictures and there are no "likes." The pictures that include my boyfriend on my VSCO ranges from him holding a bunny to him holding my hand while we went ice skating.

3. Them sleeping

I have so many pictures of my boyfriend sleeping (I promise it's not as weird as it sounds), I just think he's so cute when he's fast asleep while cuddling with me.

4. The embarrassing ones they want no one to see

He's going to kill me when he sees this... but we all have those embarrassing Snapchat pictures that we start to send each other because we've gotten more comfortable with one another.

5. The ones for Facebook

The good looking pictures so you can keep yours and his family updated on how you two are doing. I took my boyfriend to a baby bird meet and greet since he loves birds and has one for a pet. I posted this cute picture of him and his new friends on Facebook so my family can see our adventures together.

6. Old pictures

One of the best parts of dating someone is finally seeing their old pictures. Although, sometimes they may make you cringe... like the one I posted above of my boyfriend after prom in his sophomore year of high school.

7. Their accomplishments

My boyfriend pole vaults for his college and he's really good at it. He just went to division III nationals in March because he qualified! I'm always at his meets so I make sure to get him on video in case he or anyone wants to see. I always try to snag a picture with him too because I'm always so proud.

8. The straight up ugly ones

He sure knows how to make me laugh. And I know he's going to be mad at me for this one too but I think it's a talent that he can do that with his stomach! Sorry, Adam, I promise I still think you look good when you send me these snaps for the most part.

9. But you have the hot ones too

He may be funny and sweet, but he is pretty good looking too. I know us girls keep some attractive pictures of our S.O.'s so we can remind ourselves of what a great looking partner we have.

10. FaceTime screenshots

If you and your lover go to different colleges like my boyfriend and I do, then FaceTiming happens a lot. Sometimes I get some great screenshots, like the one above, to make fun of him later.

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13 Surprisingly Healthy Airport Snack Options

You don't have to search very hard for the good stuff!

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During my recent travels, my flight got delayed over an hour, giving me a lot of free time to wander around the airport. During my adventure, I was surprised by how many healthy snack options there are available! Of course, there are also a lot of unhealthier options, too. But, you don't have to search very hard for the healthy ones! Below is a list of some of the healthy options I found in the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and Dallas, Texas airports!

1. Fresh fruit

Lauren Burkholder

Most stands have bananas, apples, and oranges. Many also have fruit cups (also veggies) in the refrigerated sections!

2. Dried fruit and fruit strips

Lauren Burkholder

You can never get enough fruit!

3. Protein/energy/nutrition bars

Lauren Burkholder

Luna, Clif, PowerCrunch, Lara, Nugo, Health Warrior, and more! Most of these bars use relatively natural ingredients!

4. Nuts and trail mix

Lauren Burkholder

Nuts are full of healthy fats, vitamins, minerals, and plant-based protein!

5. Vegetable chips

Lauren Burkholder

Bare Snacks vegetable and fruit chips are AMAZING! They are completely natural and baked without oil!

6. Smoothie bowls

Lauren Burkholder

I have never seen these before but I think they look pretty sweet. They contain a decent amount of protein and minimal added sugars.

7. Organic Cookies

Lauren Burkholder

Wholesome ingredients are always a plus

8. MORE HEALTH BARS

Lauren Burkholder

Oatmega and RXBARs are full of natural ingredients and super yummy!

9. Instant oatmeal cups

Lauren Burkholder

I LOVE OATMEAL! It is packed with fiber and whole grains. Also, it's DELICIOUS! You can add nut butter and fruit (available for purchase in the airport) for added flavor and nutrients!

10. Organic granola

Lauren Burkholder

Purely Elizabeth granola is completely natural and delicious! It is great on its own OR mixed with yogurt (which can also be purchased in the airport).

11. Organic nut butters

Lauren Burkholder

Nut butters are my jam (pun intended). I can't even express how excited I was to see Justin's and RXBAR almond butter packets for sale.

12. Greek yogurt

Lauren Burkholder

Greek yogurt is always a great snack option! It has protein and healthy bacteria to support gut health! It goes great paired with fruit, granola, oatmeal, nuts, and nut butters (also available in the airport)

13. Bobo's Bars

Lauren Burkholder

Bobo's Bars are super yummy. Again, they are made with wholesome, natural ingredients - which I LOVE!

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