I hide in a corner of my mind
Refusing to believe what everyone tells me
How I’m too pointless for anyone to listen too
How I’m Stupid
Fat
I try so hard not to let my thoughts run rampant
To ignore the voices in my head telling me to just Give Up
My demons, there are many
They are strong and tend to win
They have names
First, there’s Ana
A girl so skinny
She makes a size 2 look fat
She invades my mind
Seeming friendly at first
She says ‘it’s just advice’
That she ‘just wants to help’
Oh how little did I know
I was the girl who loved food
The girl nicknamed ‘Skinny Minny’ as a child
Looking at the number on the scale
I wish I was her instead of my ‘fat’ 170 pounds
‘You need to be thinner’
‘I’m just your friend.’
Her whispers have become my life
“Don’t eat this”
“Don’t eat that”
“Don't eat”
Second Is Perrie
The paranoid girl who hides
Never trusts anyone
Anyone but herself
I thought she was just trying to help
I was wrong
She tells me the terrors of the world
Doing but nothing but installing fear
Planting it in me as if it was a seed
And I am the soil where it must grow
“They’re out to get you”
“You will always get hurt.”
“You aren’t good enough for them.”
And over my shoulder, I look
Trying to avoid any form of harm
Then the twins
Annie...and Addie
Anxious and stays invisible
Can’t stay focused
Polar opposites, but together they destroy
Having me hide and distracting my thoughts
It goes unnoticed as I become my own background color
“Be invisible, the boy you think of in history will only ridicule.”
“Put on your hoodie and sleep.”
“Don’t let them see you.”
Izzy is the most annoying
Unable to sleep every night
Her ways are subtle
Written off as stress
Homework
Staying up willingly
That is how she kills you
There is no choice once she takes hold of you
You can’t just say ‘no’
She’s persuasive and always wins
“You don’t need sleep.”
“The dark is full of thoughts.”
“You will live.”
She’s a liar
Deb was a forced relationship
She smashed her way into my life
I had no say in this one
Tears and pain follow her wherever she goes
Makes sense she’d find me too
I made the perfect subject for her to poke at
No friends
No Feelings
I’ve become numb to everything around me
No longer caring
No longer thinking
Just being
“No one cares.”
“No one loves you.”
“You’re all alone.”
Last but not least Sue
She’s by far the worst
Not even wanting you to live
Her and Deb are accomplices
Working together
It’s only a matter of time
They whispered in my ear
And I started to listen
They made a mess of me
“Shoot. No one would care.”
“Take the pills. No one will save you.”
“Make it so deep they can’t stitch it back together.”
I fight these girls every day
Taking my life moment by moment
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
No one knew
Not until now
I’ve kept them hidden
Not wanting anyone to see what who I fight
These girls are more than demons
They. Are. Me.
