I hide in a corner of my mind

Refusing to believe what everyone tells me

How I’m too pointless for anyone to listen too

How I’m Stupid

Fat

I try so hard not to let my thoughts run rampant

To ignore the voices in my head telling me to just Give Up

My demons, there are many

They are strong and tend to win

They have names

First, there’s Ana

A girl so skinny

She makes a size 2 look fat

She invades my mind

Seeming friendly at first

She says ‘it’s just advice’

That she ‘just wants to help’

Oh how little did I know

I was the girl who loved food

The girl nicknamed ‘Skinny Minny’ as a child

Looking at the number on the scale

I wish I was her instead of my ‘fat’ 170 pounds

‘You need to be thinner’

‘I’m just your friend.’

Her whispers have become my life

“Don’t eat this”

“Don’t eat that”

“Don't eat”

Second Is Perrie

The paranoid girl who hides

Never trusts anyone

Anyone but herself

I thought she was just trying to help

I was wrong

She tells me the terrors of the world

Doing but nothing but installing fear

Planting it in me as if it was a seed

And I am the soil where it must grow

“They’re out to get you”

“You will always get hurt.”

“You aren’t good enough for them.”

And over my shoulder, I look

Trying to avoid any form of harm

Then the twins

Annie...and Addie

Anxious and stays invisible

Can’t stay focused

Polar opposites, but together they destroy

Having me hide and distracting my thoughts

It goes unnoticed as I become my own background color

“Be invisible, the boy you think of in history will only ridicule.”

“Put on your hoodie and sleep.”

“Don’t let them see you.”

Izzy is the most annoying

Unable to sleep every night

Her ways are subtle

Written off as stress

Homework

Staying up willingly

That is how she kills you

There is no choice once she takes hold of you

You can’t just say ‘no’

She’s persuasive and always wins

“You don’t need sleep.”

“The dark is full of thoughts.”

“You will live.”

She’s a liar

Deb was a forced relationship

She smashed her way into my life

I had no say in this one

Tears and pain follow her wherever she goes

Makes sense she’d find me too

I made the perfect subject for her to poke at

No friends

No Feelings

I’ve become numb to everything around me

No longer caring

No longer thinking

Just being

“No one cares.”

“No one loves you.”

“You’re all alone.”

Last but not least Sue

She’s by far the worst

Not even wanting you to live

Her and Deb are accomplices

Working together

It’s only a matter of time

They whispered in my ear

And I started to listen

They made a mess of me

“Shoot. No one would care.”

“Take the pills. No one will save you.”

“Make it so deep they can’t stitch it back together.”

I fight these girls every day

Taking my life moment by moment

Minute by minute

Hour by hour

No one knew

Not until now

I’ve kept them hidden

Not wanting anyone to see what who I fight

These girls are more than demons

They. Are. Me.