When I was a little girl, I clung to my mother desperately. I remember my first day of preschool I was crying and holding onto her leg begging her not to leave me. After a few minutes of getting to know the teacher and other classmates, I didn't even realize she had slipped out the door. Until I was about 8 years old I followed my mother around everywhere. We would garden together, play outside, go grocery shopping, and do crafts. I'm not exactly sure what changed but it seems that our relationship slowly started to fall apart. I had 4 other siblings who needed attention as well and I guess I felt that she didn't pay attention to me like she used to.
My father was starting to get pretty sick around the same time, so I started getting very close to him. I would definitely consider myself a daddy's girl from then on. When I got into high school my relationship with my mother worsened, which I never thought would be possible. We would scream at each other constantly about anything and everything every day. Her and my father's relationship wasn't the best, but the way my mother and I fought didn't help it that's for sure. My father would always take my side during the arguments my mother and I would get into which drove a huge wedge between him and my mother. I would feel bad at first, but I started to realize that my father was the only person who stuck up for me.
When I was in high school I was in choir all 4 years. My mother made it to probably 3 concerts throughout the 4 years. My dad made it to EVERY single one, and video taped all of them. There was only one concert my father couldn't make it to. It was my senior year spring concert. My last concert, ever. He was in the hospital and was devastated he had to miss it. He asked my mother to go and video tape it. She said yes so I was actually excited she would be there. I had a solo during one of the songs so I was kind of nervous to be singing by myself in front of her. My best friend, my boyfriend at the time, and my mother were all there. I was sad that I didn't see my dad's familiar face, but I was happy to see my mother's. About 10 minutes into the concert, my mother was gone. I hoped for the best and just thought she had run to the bathroom. After the concert my best friend told me she left for good and didn't record anything. I was absolutely crushed and burst into tears. I went up to the hospital and cried with my dad and he was livid. I had learned that my mother's best friend was in town and they went out to get drunk rather than watch my last concert.
I had a lot of friends who were very close to their mothers and I always wished that I could have a relationship like that with mine. But I just accepted the fact that I would probably never have that. I had quite a few people tell me how horrible I was for treating my mother the way I did, but they just didn't understand our relationship. To be fair, she didn't treat me the greatest either. When we fought she would call me a bitch, throw things at me, tell me my dad wasn't going to live forever, and that I was going to be in a "world of shit" without him. Well sadly she was right. My dad passed away in 2014 and I was in a world of shit. But I'm not anymore, and that's what matters.
I'm almost 23 and my mother is the only parent I have and I'm so lucky to have her still. We still don't have the greatest relationship but I'm trying every day to become a better daughter and to cut her some slack. She's been doing a hell of a job raising 5 kids since my dad's been gone and I have no idea how she does it. I'm hoping once I move out on my own our relationship will get better since we won't butt heads as often. If you have both of your parents in your life, be thankful. Some people only have one, and some people don't have either. So thank you mom. Thank you for teaching me how to be independent. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong. I love you beyond words and am so thankful for all you do for everyone in your life.
Love Always, Kayleigh Michelle.
