Nothing in life could prepare me for the journey I was about to embark on. We were young , we had just gotten married , we were ready to take on the next big step. We were ready to extend our family , we were ready for a baby.
I remember at the end of every month, for 2 years, rushing to the drugstore to get endless amounts of pregnancy tests. Then I remember running to the bathroom to take a pregnancy test , I WAS SO EXCITED! I stared at the negative pregnancy test, threw it away and then dugit back out again, still looking for any faint line.. nope , nothing. I remember the five hours of crying and apologizing to my husband that we failed and you weren't coming yet. I felt like a failure while he held me and told me that it was okay. That man has held me while I was crying more times than I can count .
It was at this point I lost hope. I went through a deep depression, I hid it so well! You could hardly tell I was in pain as I sat around the fire with a bottle pressed to my lips, laughing with my friends. Inside I was breaking down, drinking to ease the pain. I began to push everyone I love away. It took the pressure away from being responsible for someone not being an uncle, aunt , grandmother, grandfather, cousin, or dad. It hurt but I began to heal.
It was time to face the facts, I would have to go through life and be okay with it just being me and my husband. It hurt really bad but life had to go on . I picked myself up and put on a new mindset that it would happen when it happens . I mean that's what you do when everyone you know tells you that, right? It didn't make it any easier , but looking through my life in your eyes, you couldn't tell.
Right when I finally accepted my fate , I discovered a new doctor. He was very well known in the Savannah area , and he was convinced that he knew just what to do to diagnose me, and help me and my husband conceive.
Step one , diagnoses. To diagnose me , they had to do a minor surgery and d&c. I was out of work for a day and some slight discomfort but I bounced back real quick. During surgery they discovered that I had poly cystic ovaries and stage one of endometriosis, and a few other "mild" issues. All was fine , they removed this and fixed that and sent me on my way.
Step 2 , TREATMENT! It's exciting, right !? They have this medicine that will fix me. I'll get pregnant! My husband will be a daddy soon ! All hope in having YOU was restored! Oh how I prayed for the end of the dark tunnel , and here we are !
It's simple , every month it was a routine. "On the 4th day of your cycle , take the clomid, and take it everyday til it runs out. On the 14th day, you will come to our office and we will give you an ultrasound to tell you if you have mature follicules. Then we will give you the pregnizone shot and in 2 weeks , YOU SHOULD BE PREGNANT." Those two weeks of waiting felt like a year. And when those two weeks were up, I cried even more. FIVE MONTHS OF THIS ON REPEAT. Five months of tears. Five months of questioning why me. Five months of feeling like you have failed. Five months of getting your hopes up and then crashing down. Five months of complete heartbreak. This journey with this doctor was over. the final appointment, the doctor told me the most dreadful thing "I'm sorry, it's not working". Boy did I cry. He referred to yet another specialist, who specifically specializes in IUI and IVF.
Fast forward three months, I'm still waiting to meet the doctor face to face.He was booked that far in advance.. he must be good . We finally met over webcam, and he is convinced that iui is the way to go . He told us we have a pretty good chance of getting pregnant. We have to wait until the virus is gone to proceed with our plans. I have given it all to god, It's in his hands.
