To my life companion,
I know that I would not exist without you. However, I had been mistreating you for the past few years because you didn't satisfy my need. I were blown away by other opinions and critics about you. I blamed you in all situations instead of figuring out the real problems between us. I cared about the judgements from individuals who had no impacts in life rather than you who manifests my existence.
As results, here are my five apologies to you before it is too late.
1. I apologize for cursing at you and calling you “fat and ugly” when I look at you in the mirror. You must be really hurt when I say that I wish you aren't mine. There is no me without you.
2. I apologize for completely banning desserts from your life and not letting you have that piece of chocolate cake on my birthday which is also your birthday.
3. I apologize for sacrificing you by starving with only one meal a day in order to fulfill my goal of a perfect slim body that every single girl dreams to possess. A bowl filled with green lettuces, spinaches and sometimes chicken breasts was what you got everyday. You hated Italian dressing but that was your only option because I wanted everything “good and healthy” for you.
4. I apologize for pinching extremely hard at your arms, your thighs and your belly with the hope of getting rid of all the fats. In fact, I just wanted to express my anger at you.
5. I apologize for secretly thinking of shaving your jaw line, splitting your skin so all your belly fats could be removed and sucking out all the fats at your thighs. Yes, I was thinking of getting a plastic surgery on you.
I feel extremely pleased that now I learn to love you as who you are. We co-exist as one identity and as an individual. I am no longer chasing after the perfect body because this is who I am. I am no longer lending others the right to tell me who I am. I am no longer hurting you as well as hurting myself because of others who have zero gravity in our existence. I am ready to give my middle finger to individuals who attempt to judge you. Please forgive me, my dear!
