I’ve made a huge mistake, I thought to myself as her eyes were glued between her iPhone and a ZBT sitting two tables over. The night still had hope though; I mean I was on a date with a Jewish American Princess, what in the world could go wrong?
Firstly, let me preface what a Jewish American Princess exactly is. To be classified as one, you must be a female, be Jewish, and be able to sleep with aviators on.
For the most part, they derive from the northeastern area of the United States. Since hailing from states such as New York and New Jersey, the Indiana lifestyle is a bit of a culture shock for a Princess.
Due to being fishes out of water, the girls take pride in letting everyone know who they are, what they're about and how many times they go to Starbucks.
After 3 weeks of tossing and turning, I finally mustered up the confidence and asked a girl named, Silly on a nice date to dinner.
She texted back, not with words, but mind you, a collection of emojis ranging from happy face, to monkey covering it's mouth, all the way to the girl in the red dress dancing.
Unfortunately, I don’t speak emoji, but after a quick Google translation, it was apparent that she said, “yes.”
It was Tuesday and my night was about to begin, until it hit me- I don’t have a car (cut me some slack- I'm a Telecom major).
Worried that my lack of a car would completely ruin her interests, I asked if we could take the City Transit bus instead. She laughed off the situation and told me that it sounds, “unreal.”
The bus ride was pleasant, besides being surrounded by Bloomington’s finest. I don’t know if you have ever ridden a city bus, but let me say the experience is about as horrifying as a girl who has her read receipts on.
As I was busy trying to come up with topics to talk about with Silly, I noticed that her attention was on everything but me. With her phone out, she repeatedly snapchatted herself with the caption, “Going up on a Tuesday.”
Now, I understand that it's Tuesday, and I'm aware of the popular hip-hop song, but that doesn’t mean you have to snapchat caption it every time you go out on a Tuesday night.
Anyways, as I opened the door for her into the sushi bar, we instantly were met with a large group of girls waiting on a table. It only took a millisecond until Silly threw herself into the middle of the cluster and happily greeted her pledge sisters.
I swear this encounter lasted at least 19 minutes. The host of the restaurant repeatedly notified us that our tables were both ready, but his voice could not exceed the many uses of “literally” and “stop.”
The jamboree finally ended with them all handing me their iPhones and asking to take a group photo. After snapping three photos on each phone, I dished the phones back like a mom stressfully trying to hand out goodie bags at the end of a birthday party. I was met with a few sighs as the girls closely analyzed the photos and their jawlines.
As we finally sat at the table and officially began our date, I began to panic. I’m a pretty naïve guy and tend to not really kill it with small talk. So, in an attempt to connect with her, I glanced around the room for an expensive article of clothing and asked if she owned it.
The question was met with silence.
I’ve made a huge mistake, I thought to myself.
Offended that I stereotyped her, she left the table and joined pledge sisters in the area.
iLoveMakonnen should create a song called “Going Down on a Tuesday” – actually scratch that, girls named Tuesday could take that the wrong way. But anyways, you get the point. I was embarrassed.
Knowing something had to be done, I took a deep breath and walked over to Silly. I apologized greatly. She smiled, and then snapchat storied me, which brought her story total for the night to a subtle 226 seconds.
The rest of the night went great. I’d like to think that her interest held due to my many, well-planned jokes, and not the fact that her phone died halfway through dinner.
Its easy to stereotype, I mean we all do it, but 10 times out of 10 I can guarantee its wrong. Just because a kid from the UK is in one of your group assignments, doesn’t mean you have to be equipped with gum at all times.
Whether you know it or not, terms like JAP are offensive and hurtful. These cruel terms are used way too freely in our college student vocab and there is really nothing funny about it.
If you know Silly at all, you’d know that her optimistic personality is what makes her the best (if you’re reading this Silly, you down for another date?)
So, regardless of what people say and how they classify you, if you just stay true to yourself, you’ll lead a life worth snapchat storying.
