For me, going to college was always a part of my plan. I even had plans to go to law school after undergrad. I have changed my plans since then, and I've decided law school isn't for me. However, grad school is still a possibility. But for now, I want to focus on how much of an impact undergrad has had on me. Now, I know I'm only a sophomore, but my life has changed drastically since I came to Illinois State. I know people say college isn't for everyone, but for me it has been life changing.
It helped to shape who I am.
Before coming here, I had this huge plan, and I knew exactly what I would do with my life. I would get a useful business degree as my fall-back plan in case I changed my mind about law school. But, actually being here changed the course I had so intricately laid out. It has helped me to explore my interests and to figure out what I really want in life. Upon joining the Odyssey I discovered how passionate I am about communicating, writing, and fueling my creativity. And, law school would take a huge toll on my creative side, considering how black and white it is. But it's shaped me in other ways too.
It's given me tons of confidence.
From the atmosphere I grew up in, my family never valued education. I was a first generation college student. In school, I always had to do everything on my own. I didn't have parents at home to help me with my math homework. And in some ways, I'm grateful for this because I learned how to have a strong work ethic at a young age without my parents waking me up for school. This made the idea of college very scary, learning to navigate something I knew nothing about. Of course, now I have family to lean on to get me through everything. But, I was fully prepared to take on this new experience all by myself and that's part of what has given me this confidence. I mean- braces and a few years of substantial maturity could also be to thank for that. But being surrounded by people who I'd never met before made all of this easier. Because I learned how to be myself more than ever. Growing up I didn't have much time to focus on myself or delve into my interests because of how busy I consistently was. Every ounce of my time was filled with studying, doing homework, or working. Now, I have a job and school, but I also have time for myself to find out what makes me happy. Exploring yourself in college is one of the most beautiful experiences.
I've met incredible people.
In high school the people you're surrounded by you're kind of forced to be friends with. You're forced to sit by that kid with the same first letter in their last name as you, and you befriend them because, well, you're kinda stuck with them. In college there are thousands of people to meet and get to know. With similar and different interests. Any that's what makes it so interesting. The person you choose to sit next to in a lecture could be different every time. I've always loved meeting new people, and in high school doing that was kind of difficult. These people you're consistently surrounded by you've grown up around and everyone has these preconcieved notions of each other. They don't even attempt to integrate their friend groups because of the cliques that had started early on. That's what I love about college. There aren't cliques and everyone is friendly and willing to meet new people. People I've met by chance and have only known for a short period of time while here, have become some of my best friends. Some of the most incredible people I've met randomly and haven't known long but have impacted my life forever for the better.
It made me realize how unhappy I was in my hometown.
When I'm home for breaks, I literally sink into a depression. Hardly any of the friends I have at home can compare to the lovely people I've gotten to know while here. Being here in Normal is such a positive environment for me. It made me realize how the people I chose to surround myself with didn't impact me in a healthy way. Now, of course, that's not everyone. But, it still brings back the toxicity of high school and everything I went through growing up when I'm at home. Being here in school is definitely one of my happy places, and I'm so thankful to have met such incredible people to enhance my life in every way.
It helped me to gain my own independence.
I've always been pretty independent. But being here alone has taught me how to find things that really make me happy. Things I can fill my time with that actually make me feel good to be alive. Like writing. I've always had a bit of an unhealthy relationship with being alone, which is why I love communicating and being around people so much. I've learned to enjoy my alone time, and that makes being around others that much more enjoyable. Because, I know I can return to my room and decompress and not feel helplessly lonesome. Spending time with yourself is important because it helps you to feel comfortable with who you are and learn more about yourself. The thought of spending time by myself used to drive me insane. I wanted to always get out of my head, and I'd keep myself endlessly busy because of it. I'd fill every second of my time with activities and being with other people. I can now say I've grown past that and I actually really love both my time alone and my time spent with others.
It's helped me to be brave.
I've never been a risk taker growing up. Because I didn't have any room for failure. If I failed, there was a chain of reactions waiting to ruin my carefully thought out future. I was consistently walking on eggshells and trying to be perfect 100% of the time. Because of the confidence in myself that I have gained while being here, I'm now able to take chances. I know that the mistakes I make will obviously have consequences, but I'm not inside of my head over analyzing every step I take. And I can't even explain to you how freeing that is. Sometimes you have to make mistakes in order to figure out who you are and what you want in life. Those mistakes help to shape your values and lead you to the path you're meant to take. Deciding to not go to law school was a brave choice for me. I've always struggled with uncertainty, which brings me to my next point.
I have learned you can't control every aspect of your life.
I've always been so sure of myself in every aspect of life. I couldn't control what happened in my home life so that kind of led me to become very controlling with myself and the choices I make. But since being here, I've learned that it's okay to be uncertain. I still struggle with this, but it's something I've improved dramatically with. Uncertain plans still bother me, not knowing the final details in plans still makes me a bit on edge. But I'm not so inside of my head and overwhelmed with anxiety regarding the future. I know that everything will pan out how it's supposed to. You may not be able to control what happens to you in life or prepare for it, but you can take it as it is and deal with it as problems arise. Instead of worrying before necessary about what could go wrong.
I'm only a sophomore and I have much more personal growth to grapple with. But, I'm so thankful for the opportunities I've been given and I don't take it for granted. I'm at the happiest point in my life and I never thought college would be what took me there. I didn't know it was possible to live life without constant anxiety and being away at college has definitely alleviated those suffocating feelings. I've got so much more to experience and instead of being worried for the future I'm excited about the uncertainty that awaits.
