To A Boy
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

To A Boy

I always thought that maybe I could fix you.

To A Boy

I am not sure why my mind drifts to thoughts of you at night. Maybe it is because all of the responsibilities of the day are gone and my mind is preparing to reset for the next day and there is just too much empty space.

I would like you to know that I do not regret anything that went on between us. I am not angry with you. I have even convinced myself that I am no longer angry with myself. I hurt you. I know. I am sorry. But that is the way life played out for us and we must move on. Your random texts are heart wrenching and your sporadic calls are heart aching. If I do not get to speak to you everyday, then I do not want to speak to you once every few months. Whatever it was that we had ended with an abrupt “bye”. I do not regret anything about what we shared. Maybe you do.

I will not lie and say that I do not miss you because sometimes, I do. When I am lonely I miss your words of encouragement and your corny jokes.

I need you to know that I heard about everything you told everyone about us. If it makes you sleep better at night to say those things, so be it. But I need you to know that I know the truth. I broke up with you. I set you free into the void of the world because I am fire and you are methane and when we mix, we create disaster. Do you understand? I did it for you. It is all for you. Everything was always for you.

I think you should know that I love you, still. After all of the hurt and the tears, my love still remains. I love you. My lips have not been able to form those words since you. This, all of this, is so dumb. My mind, only as I write this, is clear. For once, I know what I am saying and what I mean, but for what purpose? There are moments when memories of you haunt me. Sometimes, when I would look into your eyes, I could see our future together. Dumb, right?

Even if you read this, I know you do not care. You always cared very little. It was what we had in common, a strange affinity for apathy. I know I said we both never cared about anything, but there was a time when I chose to care about you. If you were to even scrape an elbow I would come running with a first aid kit. I always thought that maybe I could fix you.

Sometimes I like to think about the first time you confessed your love for me. It was weird, even for us. It was not poetic. It was simple. It was abrupt. Maybe there are times when simplicity can too be beautiful. God. I am writing this. I am really writing this and trying to read it as I go and make as little mistakes as I can. Am I trying to impress you with the new feelings I have just figured out? Maybe I could teach you how to feel, just as I have learned. You will never read this. This, all of this is pointless.

I love you, okay?

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

100 Reasons to Choose Happiness

Happy Moments to Brighten Your Day!

A man with a white beard and mustache wearing a hat

As any other person on this planet, it sometimes can be hard to find the good in things. However, as I have always tried my hardest to find happiness in any and every moment and just generally always try to find the best in every situation, I have realized that your own happiness is much more important than people often think. Finding the good in any situation can help you to find happiness in some of the simplest and unexpected places.

Keep Reading...Show less

Remember The True Meaning of Christmas

“Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you?”

A painting of the virgin Mary, the baby Jesus, and the wise men

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year. Christmastime is a celebration, but have we forgotten what we are supposed to be celebrating? There is a reason the holiday is called Christmas. Not presentmas. Not Santamas. Not Swiftmas. Christmas.

boy standing in front of man wearing santa claus costume Photo by __ drz __ on Unsplash

What many people forget is that there is no Christmas without Christ. Not only is this a time to spend with your family and loved ones, it is a time to reflect on the blessings we have gotten from Jesus. After all, it is His birthday.

Keep Reading...Show less
Golden retriever sat on the sand with ocean in the background
Photo by Justin Aikin on Unsplash

Anyone who knows me knows how much I adore my dog. I am constantly talking about my love for her. I attribute many of my dog's amazing qualities to her breed. She is a purebred Golden Retriever, and because of this I am a self-proclaimed expert on why these are the best pets a family could have. Here are 11 reasons why Goldens are the undisputed best dog breed in the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

Boyfriend's Christmas Wishlist: 23 Best Gift Ideas for Her

Here are the gifts I would like to ask my boyfriend for to make this season unforgettable.

Young woman opening a Christmas gift

Recently, an article on Total Sorority Move called 23 Things My Boyfriend Better Not Get Me For Christmas, was going around on social media. I hope the author of this was kidding or using digital sarcasm, but I am still repulsed and shocked by the lack of appreciation throughout this article. I would like to represent the girlfriends out there who disagree with her standpoint -- the girlfriends who would be more than happy to receive any of these gifts from their boyfriends.

Keep Reading...Show less
Two teenage girls smiling

The 2000s were a time that many young adults today can look back on, joyfully reminisce and somewhat cringe at the trends and the fads that we all used to love and adore. Here's a list of things from the golden 2000s that will have one feeling nostalgic about all of those times.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments