I've always gotten the question, "What is your biggest fear?" Throughout the years, my answer has changed.
"Not getting into the specialized high school... not getting a spot on a team... not getting into the college I want to be at... not being good enough...letting myself down... not succeeding in what I want to do..."
Now that I look back at it, everything that I thought was my "biggest fear," came out to be okay. I am where I am because of all that has happened to me and overcoming my fears. All those fears had some alternative pathway where I would still be okay. They were easily solvable. Now, if someone were to ask me what my biggest fear is, I can say with a heaviness on my heart, "Losing my parents."
My parents have been there for me every day, even at times where I don't realize. In the midst of growing up, I was so easily blinded, making me unable to see all the times my parents were there for me. Sometimes, I may have taken advantage of them, not intentionally, but because I knew they would always be there for me no matter what. Now, as I become an adult, I've really gotten the chance to realize and appreciate their never-ending support for me, despite how hard things can get for them. In their eyes, I am first, and they are willing to sacrifice their whole life for me. A relationship like this is the true definition of unconditional love.
We work so hard to try to find a significant other who will give us unconditional love, but we find ourselves falling and picking ourselves up whenever things do not work out. We try so hard to find someone who will love us for who we are and what we do for this type of love that we have with our parents. But at the end of the day, it is our parents who are the ones who will give us this type of care and love without a question.
My biggest fear is not losing that love from them, but losing them - their presence. I may not have depended on them 100% of the time, but I knew in the back of my mind that if things went wrong, they would be there to help me fix it. I know that after coming home from a long day, they would welcome me at the door. I know that if there was anything that I needed help with, they would drop their own world for mine because, in their eyes, I am what matters the most. They are my anchor when I need to be held down, and my pedestal to raise me up. They are my strength when I am weak, and they are my light in the dark.
I fear that I won't know how to walk this world without them by my side. I fear I won't have the strength to pick myself back up without them telling me that everything will be okay. I fear the hardest goodbye anyone would have to say. Something that I can never ever be ready to do, but what I can do now is appreciate and love them for all they've done for me and continue to do for me.
