In his "Neverland" album, Andy Mineo raps his confident hip-hop smash, "You Can’t Stop Me." Andy shamelessly relays the battle of comparison as a rapper in my favorite verse that goes like this:
“…Well, if I listen to you, and everything you put in my ear. I'll be living like woulda, shoulda, coulda, I'll be paralyzed by fear…my biggest enemy is me and even I can’t stop me!”
Andy’s song reminds me how our biggest enemy can be ourselves. This is true for me, as I have spent my whole life trying to selfishly live for people. Even now, I find myself comparing my life in detail to that girl with the witty social post, a former crush, that popular blogger, that young woman of faith, the young couple, the beloved co-worker, even comparing who I was in the past to my current state. How dangerous, how unhealthy. It is so easy to look around asking ourselves, “What am I lacking? Why them? Why not me?” when we are enough in the eyes of God. Just stop, my precious friend, we are hurting ourselves and we do not even realize this.
Personally, I can see my desire to compare is driven by my competitive nature plus my desire to please people. As if I had something to prove because I never felt good enough. For years, in examining others, I questioned everything concerning myself. In this, compromise became a problem in many areas of my life by trying to be more like what I felt people desired of me. Why? I wanted my life to look and be as beautiful as I wanted to feel. I will warn you the price of verifying our existence by others will soon became an unbearable reality—we will always come up short.
I now realize the damage wrought by years of comparison, insecurity, and compromise. It even affects my relationships with others. I would like to say that comparison will die, but there is always someone better. By measuring ourselves to the standards of the world, we miss out on the beautiful things God is doing in each other’s lives. We miss our true beauty, our callings, our passions, opportunities to serve, connections, and a chance to build God’s kingdom. I was on Instagram and read a friend's biography that reads, “[We should] measure ourselves to a standard of grace and not perfection.” True, but how?
If we compare ourselves to anyone, I believe we should compare ourselves to Christ alone because His sacrifice calls us into a life, a standard of living, outside of the world and into God’s grace. I would not even compare myself to who I was yesterday, but rather to whom Jesus Christ is calling me to be today. I can do this confidently in God’s grace that is sufficiently and favorably unmerited to me. Grace is granted, not because we are perfect, but because we can live in freedom from the bondage of sins holding us hostage to our imperfections. We can live in hope of one day being made perfect in the presence of our King—this is our hope. Friend, we can stop trying to aim for perfection in everything on the outside—Christ is perfect in us and in our weaknesses. Amy Carroll writes in her new book, "Breaking Up with Perfect," “Erase the lies of perfection and trade it for the truth of God’s love.”
One of my favorite songs is “Measure of a Man” by 4Him. The chorus goes like this:
“Oh, I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I found out the measure of a man
God knows and understand
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man.”
What is in our hearts flows from our spirit and radiates outward—that is what God values the most. What is in your heart, friend? I am so thankful Christ not only sees who we truly are in our hearts, but He also sees our potential. I believe a true friend will see the same regardless of our flaws.
Once we recognize the source of our worth we must redirect our focus from distraction. 2nd Corinthians 4:18 says, “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Do you have any idea what is at work in you through the power and manifestation of Christ that is in you? That is what we are missing—the spiritual transformation, the renewed vision, the renewed mind. Forget what everyone else has in the sense of the world, cherish and focus on what God is doing spiritually within the persons we meet daily. That is what He would want us to see. Have an appreciation for what is unseen by the naked eyes: open your spiritual eye.
It is important that we bloom where we are planted. God gives each of us a measure of faith and spiritual gifts just for us to use to glorify Him (Romans 12:3-8). His will and purpose will happen with or without you. What is from God, to us, will be ours, and no one can take that away. Lysa TerKeurst said, “Remember: Satan is a cruel manipulator. He desires for God’s girls to get ensnared and distracted by competing and comparing. The more we look around and jockey for a position that’s better than the girl standing next to us, the less we remember God’s assignment for us. And that’s exactly what the enemy wants. Our calling is never to 'one up' on the next girl. It is to raise up the name of Jesus and live His truths in an authentic way.” Look at the glass is half empty, half full scenario. It does not matter if the glass is half full or empty. You have what has been given to you in your vessel to pour into others. God wants that and that is enough, but you must be willing to also allow Him to pour into you. Tap into the source of your faith, talents, and gifts. Your purpose will follow.
Friends, without selfish ambition consider others better than ourselves. My mother always told me the only time I should ever look down on someone is when I am picking them up. I have seen enough poverty in this community to know that many of the poor are richer than I. If I ever look up at someone, it should be to the God in them by lifting them up. Even the people I consider “better off” or those who think of themselves as “better off” will stand before God someday. On that day, it will not matter what anybody had in a material sense, but what we did.
Practice humility. That will be the death of comparison.
