I never really saw myself as beautiful and that is okay. I know I have redeeming features, but they never really mattered to me. I never saw them as anything. When people called me pretty or cute, I would say thank you, but not when I was called beautiful. Pretty and cute are just like our looks and bodies. They are sharp, quick, and fleeting. Yet, the word beautiful is not. It is a slow breathe of easy air that slips from the tongue and over the lips. It is a swirling length of letters tied together to make something magnificent. To me, this is more then mere looks. It is a representation of the heart and soul of someone.
I know I am not perfect. No, I am not talking about my skin or hair. I am talking about what lies deeper inside. I can be selfish and rude. I often joke about it saying it's because I am short, and therefore, closer to hell. Never-less, it is always on my mind. I regret it when I let those thoughts slip past my brain and into the world. People have it so much worse than I do and I have the nerve to be rude to them or even think of myself first. I complain a lot. I forget to be happy for what I have. I always want more.
But. I try. I try to be humble and know that I am not great. I try to helpful. I try to be the person I needed when I was younger, someone who was kind, caring, and always there the thoughts and words became too much. I am working on being nice and thoughtful. I try to be sympathetic towards others for I have been through painful experiences. I want to help others feel happy and to smile with all of their being. But most of all, I want to help other people become beautiful.
I am only human. I make mistakes and I fail somethings. I fall apart and cry. I laugh and smile. I get mad and lock myself away from the world. But, I try, I try everyday and I'm getting better. I am slowly becoming beautiful.
Or maybe I am wrong. Maybe it's the fact that I am flawed and broken that makes me beautiful. Maybe being human is beautiful all by itself. There does not need to be perfect for there to be beauty. Beauty may just be the fact that we try. We try to make each others days better or try to help each other through hard times. We try to better ourselves.
I may have never saw myself as beautiful, but I see beauty everywhere. I see it in the sunset, in the flowers, in other people. I may not see it in myself for I am my worst critic. I am okay with that. I know that I have redeeming qualities and I know I am trying to get better. And that is enough for me.