14 months.
14 months since I last remember sleeping with tranquility.
14 months since I last remember eating with pleasure.
14 months since I last saw my face in a mirror.
24 months.
24 months and time continues to tick.
24 months and the days feel like time stopped moving.
24 months and it seems like a never ending-looped nightmare.
48 months.
48 months since I last watched a movie.
48 months since I last heard the voices of the people I loved.
48 months since I smelled or tasted something sweet or warm.
50 months.
50 months and he still finds restless entertainment in me.
50 months and I have yet accustomed my body to the way thrusts in me.
50 months and I continue to cry to God at night, begging him to help me be found, or simply die- depending on the night.
60 months.
60 months since I last saw the place I once called "home."
60 months since I was allowed to sit on the swings at a park.
60 months since I last danced on my favorite wooden porch.
65 months.
65 months I remember how happy I was that day.
65 months ago I remember he was kind, and I wanted to play.
65 months ago my mommy unknowingly and innocently said it was okay.
Almost 67 months and I guess I am here to stay.
Almost 67 months and I can barely remember the characteristics of my face.
Almost 67 months and I have lost too much weight.
Almost 67 months and I have given up crying for an escape.
Almost 70 months and I feel my body shutting down.
Almost 70 months and I try to remember how healthy I once was.
Almost 70 months and all I feel are bones instead of breasts.
Almost 70 months but he has not given up on penetrating inside of me without rest.
Yesterday.
Yesterday I had a dream that I was free; only I was free with such uncertainty.
Yesterday I realized my uncertainty was fear, fear that "being free" was only an unfeasible reality.
Yesterday I tried to envision myself running around, almost carelessly.
Today.
Today I awaken with tears in my eyes because the rose inside my room has died.
Today I awaken and ponder to myself, how long will it take until I die too?
Today I think about the naïve woman I once called mommy;
Today I ponder, how could she not have seen beyond his preposterous costume or his cruel and ghost-like eyes?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will wait patiently for his arrival in my cold and abandoned room.
Tomorrow I will wait listlessly with my legs widely spread.
But tomorrow will be different because he will come in to see me only once.
And when he finally decides to come,
The psychotic loved he created towards me will finally be gone.
He will thank me for the years he spent with me and choose to quickly put me to rest.
And in a matter of short seconds,
I will be forever
Dead.
