Toxic would be an under statement. Confusion would be accurate. Hurt would be the outcome, but from what? From being friends? What even were we?
Everyone knew we went together. We kissed in public, but we never put a label on it. Why didn't we? So that when it got hard we could just walk away without the official break up? Did you never call me your girlfriend, so that when it was over you didn't have to tell me? You left me waiting day after day and night after night wondering what you were doing, because you were "on the way" two hours ago. I put up with it, I shouldn't have. I just figured one day we would start dating instead of you just walking away.
I think what hurts the most is not knowing. I don't know what I did wrong, if anything, because we weren't dating you didn't have to justify why you stopped hanging out with me cold turkey. Since we weren't dating I was crazy when I asked where you were, because I wasn't your girlfriend. I don't know what you told people, but all your friend knew we were together, if thats what you would even call it. My calls stopped being answered, you stopped showing up and I was supposed to be okay. You can't spend five and six days a week with someone and then be confused when they fall for you. You caused the fall, but you weren't there to catch me.
What was I suppose to do? All that was said was, "But we weren't even dating", or "Y'all weren't even dating"; but a title meant so little when someone meant so much. It hurt, but I learned.
I learned that if someone doesn't care enough about you to call you one little word, then they aren't worth your time. They aren't worth even worth your energy much less your heart.