I've always loved music. I've said countless times how much I appreciate growing up listening to the greats like Earth Wind and Fire, The Temptations, Luther Vandross, and Anita Baker just to name a few. I enjoy a mix of hip-hop and rap, and R&B hits from artists like Yuna and Sam Smith. I've even developed a taste for Country and Dance! Two of my favorites that come to mind are Strawberry Whiskey by Chris Stapleton and Middle by DJ Snake. My Itunes library may not be that extensive like some people's I've seen, but I have an overall genuine love for music!
It wasn't until this past year that I realized how much I actually loved music and what power it truly holds. Beethoven once said "Music can change the world," and I wholeheartedly believe this because music saved my life.
Last year, I was battling a depression after my relationship with my college sweetheart ended. The breakup was so unexpected. I was losing him not only as a romantic partner, but also as my best friend. It crushed me. Looking back in retrospect, I had some unhealthy habits in the relationship. In many ways I depended on him for my happiness. After we broke up I felt like I fell into a hole of emptiness. I can remember laying in my bed feeling numb. I could never bring myself to cry. I would just lay there numb and empty and longing to be happy again. Sometimes when I think back to those months, it amazes me at how deeply sad I was. I was drinking excessively. My self-esteem plummeted. My normal enthusiastic and upbeat spirit went into hiding. I honestly didn't know who I was anymore. It was a type of pain that I would never wish on anyone.
As time passed my heart did begin to mend. I could see my normal self coming back. I started writing again. My mood was a lot brighter. I wanted to feel lively and get out more. This may sound weird, but in many ways I felt I had to relearn what made me happy. Music was one of those things. It was like finding your long lost puppy or something! I found so much joy in music and singing. I couldn't wait to get in my car and blast my music, and when I would get home, I would sit in my car to unwind and sing! I would have car karaoke! When I would finally get out of the car, I'd go in the house and continue my concerts as I call them. If I wasn't listening to music, I was making my own! Let me tell you, I can make a song out of anything! The funny part is I don't mean a real song! i make silly nonsense songs about random stuff! I made a song about baking brownies once and sampled songs from Trey Songz "Ready" album! It was so funny! So many of my friends messaged me on Snap Chat laughing at my shenanigans. Ask anyone who watches my stories, 8 times out of 10 I'm singing something!
The music not only made me happy, it gave me an escape from everything that was going on in my head. I could get lost in the words and the beat of the song and just vibe and sing or rap along. With my music, I was at peace. My mind didn't have to wonder why things unfolded the way they did or piece together anything. I could focus on the music and nothing else even if it was for just a little while. It gave me the greatest sense of euphoria and a natural high that I can't explain. It felt so good.
Among the many things I'm thankful for, music is definitely one of them. I might wear some songs out, currently that's "Jodeci's My Heart Belongs to U," but I don't care. When Kanye's "Life of Pablo" album came out that stayed on repeat! From time to time I go back and watch some of the videos I made. They make me smile because I'm so happy in them even though I felt so broken. There were days I thought I'd feel empty forever, but music helped fill me back up. I'm long over my heart break but even today music puts me in a happy place. It's my go to anytime I need a pick me up. I promise, music is magical!
My experience taught me that music heals. It uplifts. It empowers. It strengthens. It encourages. It gives life.
Music saves!
