Halloween is a holiday that I have looked forward to every single year since I was a kid. There's something so irresistibly fun about dressing up, going out with friends, eating loads of candy, and overall, having a great time - but this year, I couldn't bring myself to go out and enjoy myself as I have in the past.
Unfortunately, I ended up having some important tests to study for and take around spooky season this year. Conveniently enough, all my tests have been centered on Wednesdays - the very day that Halloween was on in 2018. As a result, I ended up being pretty exhausted. As soon as I got home, I immediately crashed for a while. Later, I actually did end up getting dressed up in a costume (albeit the same one as last year) with a couple destinations in mind. Perhaps I'd go pass by a few Halloween parties, go to Target and buy some candy, or get a free treat at Jeremiah's. Ultimately, I ended up only going to Chipotle in costume. I then immediately got out of costume as soon as I got home, got in bed, and slept.
As a fledgling adult, part of me hates the fact that the enjoyment of my Halloweens (and every other holiday, for that matter) have now become subjected to the whims of whatever responsibilities I have to deal with. It sounds childish, but feel like I am divorcing myself from the few traditions I have in life, and I feel a twinge of guilt about it. I also feel guilty in the sense that I might not be "trying hard enough" to keep these traditions in my life. Time is the only constant in life, yet I feel as if I'm losing grasp on making the days that are supposed to be *special* meaningful in that way.
Although these thoughts are on my mind, I know they're not exclusive to me. And, weirdly enough, although I feel a slight twinge of guilt, I don't feel regret for not celebrating Halloween as I'd like to. I was literally exhausted, and rest was what I needed. Forcing myself to go somewhere and get in the spirit would not have been productive for me.
It sounds strange to say, but this moment, in a small way, is like I'm coming of age. That concept doesn't just mean "becoming an adult" - it also has to do with making value judgments, and separating the "needs" from the "wants." In an ideal world, I'd love to have the time and energy to make a Halloween bucket list and actually carry it out. Realistically, I know that's not possible all the time. The twinge of guilt I felt about letting go of my preconceived notions of a good Halloween is just a twinge, but now I know why. I used to see the time I rested as time wasted, but in the end, it was time needed, and now I'm better off.
Usually, I like my Halloweens to have more pizzazz, but this year, a mundane Halloween is just what I needed.