"The only love that I really believe in is a mother's love for her children." Karl Lagerfeld

Growing up without a mom was one of the hardest obstacles I have ever faced. My mom died from brain cancer in December of 2006. And every Mother's Day I wake up with this feeling in the pit of my stomach, a feeling of emptiness and sadness. The one person who I loved endlessly was taken from me.

Because she died when I was only 11-years-old, I had to grow up quick to deal with the loss of spirit and humility. I had lost my best friend. Luckily, I was blessed with having the best dad who loves me unconditionally through thick and thin, who reminds me every day of where I am going, and the great things I have accomplished and will accomplish. For some, the pain never goes away, and I can relate to this feeling.

However, knowing that she will not physically be at my college graduation, wedding or even in the delivery room when I have children brings feelings of sadness and despair. People always tell me it gets harder before it gets better, but those people were mistaken. The pain never dissolves. It only becomes clouded and suppressed by feelings of anger, frustration and sadness. My heart often feels heavy with anger, and no matter how old I get, every Mother's Day is always a sad, hard day.

What keeps me going is knowing that one day I will see that beautiful, contagious smile again. It is bittersweet knowing that God blessed me with knowing one of the greatest people I have ever met and yet, she was stripped away from my life and from everyone she ever came into contact with. Her beautiful soul was taken by God for reasons that I will never know or even understand.

I have always been told that God does not give us what we cannot handle. This is something I continue to struggle with every day.

The grieving process of losing people we love is one of the hardest obstacles human beings face. It is hard not knowing what is ahead, and even harder knowing that the one woman I held so closely in my heart is physically gone forever.

I will never be able to touch her hands, give her a hug or even cry on her shoulder because I have had a hard day. I always wait and hope that I will see her in my dreams or even smell her scent when I am home.

I always refer to this bible verse from Psalm 147:3, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

I have high hopes that God will end my suffering and heal my broken heart. My mom is in a peaceful place, and that is what I have to remind myself every single day. Knowing that she no longer has brain cancer, knowing that she no longer has to suffer with pain and knowing that she is in good hands is a hard, yet calming feeling.

To the bravest, most beautiful and amazing mom, my mom, Shelly Montolin. Happy Mother's Day. You will forever be missed.