"I aim to Love like my mother, to exude Love with every breath."
It has been over 15 years since I have seen your face, but only minutes since we last spoke. I don't need a special day to acknowledge how much you mean to me, but I am still so excited to make this day all about you. I know that I cannot see you today. I can't give you a huge hug, make you you laugh, make you a nice cup of tea, throw on some Tom Petty or take you out for dinner. But, I know that I can still Love you with everything in me and hope that you can see and feel it all from heaven.
Me? I am doing great. I am working hard in school, striving to be the best man that I can be and preparing myself to be the best husband I can be someday, to Love my wife the way that you Loved me. I have so many plans for today, today is all about you.
I will start my day by listening to Tom Petty and Aerosmith while I get ready for my day. Before I leave the house, I will play my two favorite songs on guitar, one being "Free Fallin," and I will sing my heart out, hoping that you can hear me. Man, I would do anything to sing for you, to sing with you.
I will spend my morning at the coffee shop, but I think that I will drink tea today. I remember how much you Loved drinking tea while we ate lunch together. I think that I will make cards out to all of the lovely mother-figures that have blessed my life. I will send them a small gift-card and let them know how much of an impact they have had on my life. As I write, I will listen deeply to the instrumental music playing at the coffee shop, and my heart will beat to the tune of a grateful sorrow as I wish my time was with you.
After I leave the coffee shop, I might head out for a hike. I find that I feel more connected to you when I spend time with nature. I will watch the waterfall for almost an hour, praying to you and thanking you for all of the lessons you have taught me. I think I will cry, as I am right now writing to you. But do not worry Mom, I cry because I am so thankful for what I have. I am thankful that I can still feel your Love.
In the evening, I will call some people that mean so much to me. I will let them know how much I Love and miss them, and I will wish them a happy Mother's Day as well. As much as I miss you, I am so blessed by how losing you at such as young age has made me so grateful for all that I have. I will never take my Loved ones for granted.
I will spend the rest of my night singing and reading. I will relax and reminisce on all of the times we had together. I will cry my eyes out, I will be vulnerable, I will be strong. I will open my heart to the beauty that is our humanity, and I will feel your presence once again. I will smile, and I will dream about you.
I Love you Mom,
Heaven truly is a miraculous place. I know that you question sometimes whether or not I can hear you, see you or whether or not Heaven is real. Although you will not yet see this letter, I am so pleased to write to you. In Heaven, not only can I see and hear you, but I can feel you, I can understand you, fully, and I can send my Love down to you, so long as you are open to receiving it.
I Loved sharing my favorite songs with you and singing with you as a child. Whenever you play "Free Fallin," I sing right along with you from my balcony! By the way, I Love listening to you sing, please never give it up. But always remember to sing from your heart, sing for your soul and for Love, not for praise or attention.
It was so sweet of you to share a cup of tea with me this morning. I was worried that after all the Mt. Dew you drank as a child you might not enjoy the delicacy of nice cup of tea! I am glad to see that you came around! And as for writing letters, send my Love as well. I am so beyond grateful for all of the wonderful women who stepped up to guide you in the ways that I could not.
And son, I Love that you have grown to appreciate nature. The truth is that, for you, nature represents freedom, and freedom is all that I ever wanted. When you are in nature, you feel alive and connected to the world, the same way I felt when I held you in my arms. The waterfall was beautiful, and if you only knew how grateful I am for you, for what you have done with your life so far, and for what you will do.
When you make your calls, be sure to be yourself. Stay out of your head and speak from the heart. Let them know how much you really Love them, how they are so important to you, the same way I tried to Love you on earth. And when you cry, know that I am crying too here in heaven. In heaven, we are encouraged to feel vulnerable because vulnerability is freedom. We are able to feel all emotions but with an understanding and appreciation for them, and without the fear of judgement or inadequacy. When I cry with you, I feel our bond grow so much, and I am so happy that you still talk with me.
As for heaven, it truly is wonderful, but nothing like you would expect. There is no magic castles and pure bliss. Here in heaven, we simply live without fear. We can chase any dream that we choose, but we still have to battle all of the challenges that come with fulfilling our dreams. The difference is that we welcome the challenges and enjoy the opportunity to live fully and love openly. The truth is, son, Heaven is a state of mind. When we leave the Earth, we leave our fear as well. And when you leave the Earth, I will be right here ready to receive you with open arms. You can read all of these letters, and we can continue to pursue or dreams side by side with all of our Loved ones.
And, as always, I have had a wonderful Mother's Day.