My life was going great for me until everything came crashing down about seven years ago. I had a wonderful family. The end of my seventh grade year in June, my mom was going into surgery to remove bulging disc in her lower back. This surgery was a blessing for my family because that meant my mom would no longer be in pain. About forty-five minutes into the surgery the doctor came to the waiting room to give my family an update on how the surgery was going. It wasn't bulging disc.. he found a mass of cancer. Stage four cancer. That very moment I felt my whole life crash down. My entire family was in tears in the matter of seconds.
My mom was released from the hospital about two weeks later. My mom was ready to fight this cancer. As time went on my mom was slowly losing her appetite and energy. She was napping on the couch one day, it was just me and her home. She woke up asking if I could make her something to eat, she knew I was never good at cooking, but she knew I could make mac and cheese. I made her some and brought it to her on the couch. I remember her saying "this is why I love you, you always take care of me." I will never forget those words.
She was getting worse and everyone knew it, but they did not want to believe it. We spent about three weeks on the oncology floor, until the doctor recommended my mom go to Hospice. My mom did not want to go because she knew what that meant. She was not ready to lose this fight. We moved to hospice a couple days later. We spent about two weeks at Hospice. We each took turns spending the night with my mom. We had plenty of games to play with my mom. She loved doing word searches, so we would buy two of the same book to race each other. She always won.
On April 27th I spent the night with my mom and Aunt Carrie. By this time my mom was always sleeping and not aware of her surroundings. The next day the whole family was there to hang out, just like any other day. We all went home that night besides my aunt Jen, who was sleeping there that night. April 29th I got woken up at one in the morning because we had to go to Hospice. I knew this was not a good sign. My entire family was already there. I was told my mom would more than likely not make it through the night. My heart felt so heavy. We each took turns going in the room to say our goodbyes. I thought I was ready to go in there to say my goodbye, but once the door shut behind me I dropped to the floor next to my mom's bed and just broke down. I could not say one word. I was speechless and broken. Around three in the morning everyone was sitting in the room watching my mom and telling memories. The nurse said my mom passed away around six that morning. My mom waited until everyone fell asleep to take her last breath. My mom passed away April 29, 2011.
I knew it was going to be hard growing up without a mom. My mom passed away when I was fourteen. My last memory with my mom was when I was only fourteen years old. I was barely a teenager. My mother was my best friend, biggest fan, most importantly my rock. Something happens every day that I wish I could tell her. As years go on, a big milestone happens in my life that I wish my mom could see or tell me that she's proud. It hurts when something happens and my mom is not a phone call away. I cannot hear her voice. I begin the cycle of grief all over again when she is not there. People say "it gets better", but it does not. My heart will always feel heavy because she is not here.
