Something that has been put on my heart that hasn't been on my radar since I was little and playing with baby dolls, is motherhood. In all my teen years, for some reason, I never really took an interest in the possibility of being a mom.
Didn't think that it was going to be in my future. Many of my friends are older than me, and so I've hit the age where those friends are growing up, getting married and having kids. I was reflecting on this the other day because I've realized that this could one day be me.
I've opened myself up to the idea of motherhood and getting married if that is what God's will for me is. When different seasons and holidays come and go, it makes me think about my future kids. I'll experience or hear about fun traditions, and I'll just think, "I want to experience that tradition with my child(ren).
Recently my Dad took five of my brothers to a Patriots football game. I had a moment where I thought, "I want my husband to one day do that with my son(s)." Little things like that, got me thinking about the future and how someday, I could possibly become a wife and a mom.
It is scary but also feels beautiful at the same time. If you stop, don't think about the actual giving birth part, and just think about having little kids running around who look like you and call you mommy, it makes my heart melt.
It makes me so happy and so joyful. A friend of mine once said that something that she loves about me is that when I talk about my family, my face lights up. And the family I talk about, is my parents, my brothers and sisters.
Imagine the joy I would feel if the people I talked about were my kids. What would my face look like then? How much more joy would I feel? My heart breaks when bad things happen to kids out in the world.
Because all I can think is, what if something like that happened to my child? I feel for the mother even if I'm not a mother myself. I don't wonder what kind of parent I would be.
I don't think about whether I'm cut out for parenthood. I just think the joy on my child's face. I feel the joy of hearing my child someday calling me "mommy." It just makes me happy.
I don't know if motherhood is my calling. I don't know if that is my vocation. I hope it is. I hope whatever my calling is, that I follow the Lord's will. However, if I do become a mother, no matter how hard days are, or what I'm struggling with, I want to remember that at the end of the day, seeing the joy on my child's face, will be what makes it all worth it. To all the moms out there: thank you!
