It’s one of those things you can’t pinpoint right away. But after a full month in Beijing, I started to put my finger on why I feel so weirdly safe in a city over twice the size of N.Y.C. Is it because I haven’t been catcalled once in 4 weeks? Or because I haven’t caught anyone leering at my chest? Because even on a cramped subway, crushed so tight together it’s hard to breathe, I’ve never been groped? In a place where I stand out for how I look, I feel less ogled than at home. The scariest place I’ve walked at night is the street where foreigners go to drink.
I finally concluded that I’m experiencing a reduced ‘male gaze’. Men often fail to appreciate that being a women entitles you to feeling unsafe or uncomfortable at some point every day. When someone looks at you like you are a piece of meat, you feel it. Your skin crawls, your shoulders rise, your face hardens. At night, your heart races and you check over your shoulder to see if they followed. In the U.S., where 29% of sexual assaults occur when the survivor is traveling to and from work or school, shopping, or running errands, this is a very real danger. Sometimes I glare back at people, but too often my acknowledgement has been taken as interest. I usually settle for staring ahead to indicate that I am firmly ignoring them. Sometimes, I find myself deliberately stiffening my walk so my hips won’t swing. I hate that reaction. Walking is not a sexual act. No one deserves to feel so self-conscious in their own skin.
Sexual assault happens in China, too. I know that I still have to be careful, but being free of the constant intrusion of someone else’s projected sexuality is like releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I don’t worry about ‘encouraging’ people with accidental eye contact. I feel generally respected - almost like a human being. What kind of culture do I live in if I feel more comfortable walking down the streets of a city on the other side of the world, than in my home country? No society is perfect, and China certainly has its own feminist battles to fight, but in this battle, Beijing is kicking ass.
