The Mindfulness Scale

The Mindfulness Scale

Take life as it comes, no more, no less.

Anna Ree
Anna Ree
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Rumination is not a good thing.

Rumination is thinking. And thinking and thinking and thinking and so on and so forth into oblivion. In the one and only case I'll agree with Beauty and the Beast's Gaston, it is a dangerous pastime, I know. It is a rampant monster that latches onto your mind and replaces all other possible trains of thought. For goodness's sake, it buys out the whole station and fires the staff, opting to run things into the furthest extent of anarchy. It is a hyper-fixation on the depths of despair, examining every angle of a terrible situation until the emotions that inherently reside in said situation have had enough time to encircle and ensnare you with no hope of rescue.

The kicker of rumination is that it appears to be a good idea. You shouldn't ignore your feelings and allow them to fester until they burst forth like an unpleasant version of Mento's in a Coke bottle, right? You should allow yourself to accept them, to sift through them, to understand them. To keep them in your mind as a constant tool for understanding your own pain.

But rumination only pretends to offer that kind of understanding. In actuality, rumination is a trap, a pit from which escape is laughable at best with an inexplicable potential to get worse. Rumination means you don't allow yourself up for air from the negativity that is causing you pain. You keep exploring a situation until you know it more intimately than you ever needed, and the further in you go, the harder it becomes to see the positive side of any of it. Negative emotion will feed negative emotions; you'll begin to see downsides to what you're experiencing that you hadn't seen before, that aren't even real. Rumination is placing a cage around your emotions. You're going to feel what you're feeling, and it's not going to feel any better.

Emotional inhibition is not a good thing.

Emotional inhibition is not thinking. And not thinking and not thinking and so on and so forth into oblivion. Wanting to escape the pain you are experiencing, you attempt to convince yourself it isn't there. You enter a state of delusion and constantly lying to yourself about what is in your head and on your heart. Out of sight, out of mind, right? You think that actively not thinking about it all will lessen the weight until you've finally convinced yourself that whatever it is or was or used to be means nothing to you. Nothing at all.

The kicker of inhibition is that it appears to be a good idea. Negative emotions aren't going to serve you any purpose, are they? They'll only continue to hurt, to stall healing, to disrupt daily living. Why not forget them? Why not shove them all down so that they can't possibly see the light of day?

But emotional inhibition is not acceptance. It is not coming to terms with what has happened to you. It is not coping in healthy ways with the trials you are enduring. It is trying to convince yourself you don't feel feelings, a futile effort on every side. Even if you succeeded in convincing yourself you don't feel the pain, you likely wouldn't feel anything. It might be stalled in getting worse, but it would never feel better. It can't. If you can't even look at your emotions, they will continue to run rampant and have control until the very end.

Mindfulness is a good thing.

Mindfulness is deciding through self-awareness what needs to be down about intense emotional conflict. It is not making turmoil the sole focus of life, and it is not making turmoil disappear until it boils over under the surface. Mindfulness is seeing the here and now, is understanding that the past is unchanging and the future is not set in stone. It is taking everything in stride, it is remembering what it means to be okay and acknowledging that though things might not be okay right now, they will be.

Too much thinking traps you in the negative. Too little thinking traps you in lies and frustration. Take like how it comes. Make the most of your moments and don't let fear and painful stress dictate your everything. Or anything.

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.

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Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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Taking Time For Yourself Is Nothing To Feel Guilty About, It's Healthy

Your emotional health should be your utmost priority — and you deserve to be in good emotional health.

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Renowned Sōtō Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki once said that: "We do not exist for the sake of something else. We exist for the sake of ourselves." We've often been told the opposite, however. We've been told that our worth is dependent on what we can do for others and that our existence itself is meant for the advancement of society. There is no place within our culture to truly exist with ourselves. The parts of our culture that claim to value self-love and self-care tend to commodify it in the form of relaxation products and personal development products — albeit helpful at times but mostly meant to addict us without true benefit to our inner selves.

As a young student, I talked with an orthopedic surgeon — a very overworked, ambitious woman — who told me to learn how to make it in the long haul, whether in my personal, interpersonal, or career life. You had to learn to enjoy yourself and find inner peace along the way. Because there would come a time, she said, when I would become guilty to take time for myself and forget what it's like to really enjoy life. Unfortunately, I made it to that point — I worked and worked and worked until I finally burned myself out. That's when I had to make certain changes in my life to understand how I got to that point and where I needed to go from there.

In the midst of our grand ambitions, it's easy to either go all in or all out. Either to give your entire self to a certain end or give nothing at all. I've been very much guilty of ending up on both ends of the spectrum — I would either devote all my time to writing/school or hit a roadblock and give it all up for a while. It felt like the value of my life was predicated on success, whatever that meant, in terms of contributing more and more and achieving more and more. It's never, ever enough, however. No matter what you achieve, there will always be a million more things on your to-do list. Whatever you triumph over, there will always be a million more roadblocks in your path.

The answer for me was to learn how to exist with myself, how to exist with other people, how to exist amidst all the dreams I had for the future, but also in the present moment where all my past dreams had come to fruition. Sometimes I would dive too deep into myself, and lose myself in thought, as noted in Chbosky's "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," "Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life." But I learned to participate fully, each moment to moment not necessarily enjoyable, but I find enjoyable moments each day with my friends, dog, boyfriend, and myself alone with a book or a pen.

Oftentimes as a crisis counselor, I am asked the questions: What's the point? Why am I here? What is there to look forward to? It's hard for me to precisely answer that question because, frankly, no one has anyone answer. But here's an answer that I believe in, born of taking time for ourselves: we live to feel the hope for happiness again. We live for the moments of joy, contentment, relaxation, excitement, pleasure, love, happiness, everything. We live to experience and to find each other. We live on because each new moment brings a surprise. There are many, many good moments in the future for all of us, even amongst the bad.

It's impossible to really experience life, however, if we're unable to take time to ourselves. That's one of my greatest fears, actually, that life will pass me by and I won't be able to experience each day as a full and complete miracle. There's something lost when everyone else gains from commodifying all aspects of our lives. Are you going to keep living for everyone else, or will you learn to exist for yourself? Do you owe the world your entire self, or can you take back at least some of yourself right now? Is it selfish to feel happy and not only to suffer?

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