It's one of those nights.

One of those nights where I am tossing and turning.

Checking the clock.

One of those nights where a minute feels like an hour.

Another sleepless night. One of many.

My mind is racing with doomsday scenarios.

No matter what I try I can't shut it off.

I long for the thoughts to stop.

I wish for just one night where I can sleep.

One night that isn't interrupted by nightmares.

One night of peace.

I know until he is home safe that night won't come.

But will they stop?

After months of war, violence, and uncertainty will he be the same?

Will he be the same boy that stood in my bedroom and laughed with me?

Will he be the same boy that was always full of life and energy?

Will he be the same boy that proudly walked me down the field on Senior Night?

Will he still be my brother?

Or will this career that he fought so hard for break him?

Will this dream of his alter him forever?

Will this endless war win another battle and beat him down until he is just a shell?

He is strong, passionate, and indestructible. But has this resilient boy finally met his match?

I ask myself again, even after he is home safe will the sleepless nights stop.

Or have they found a permanent residence in my mind?

He is oceans away.

Little contact. No way to know whether he is alive. Whether he is okay.

Being in a military family is hard.

We may not have boots on the ground.

We may not have gone through eight weeks of boot camp.

We are living in our houses and not on a ship or in a combat zone.

But we are fighting silent battles.

Battles in our minds and in our hearts.

Constantly replaying the last time we saw them, over and over in our heads wondering if that was truly the last time.

Did we say everything we needed to say?

Silent battles that keep us awake at night.

Tossing and turning and checking the clock.

Hoping and wishing for one night of peace.

Its one of those nights.

One of those nights where a minute feels like an hour.

Knowing that they may never

STOP.