Middle Man
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

Middle Man

A battle of "who I want to be" vs. "who I am".

46
Middle Man
my photo

As a twenty-year-old girl, it is safe to say that I have had my fair share of insecurities and self-worth issues brought to light over the span of my life. I am brought into the interrogation room over and over again, in hopes that maybe this time the light is shed on my faults that it won't hurt nearly as bad. However, that is not always the case.

I am constantly in this battle with myself of "who I want to be" versus "who I actually am".

Confidence in teenage girls and boys, unfortunately, is an endangered species. It's even becoming a social norm that we analyze and pick ourselves apart to the point where we don't feel good about ourselves, that we are not enough for ourselves. And if we are not enough for ourselves, how could we possibly be enough for the people around us?

Well, I set out on a mission to make this "not enough" nonexistent.

Unfortunately, my efforts to vanquish not being enough took a turn for the worst, and I got stuck with the other evil stepsister of this idea that a person can be "too much". Here's the thing: I have a lot of feelings, and often times, this isn't really seen as a fatal flaw, but it is something I am constantly struggling with due to the sheer fact that people in my life have told me I can be "too much" to handle because

I feel toomuch.

I am too sure of what I want.

I am swimming out into the deep end too quickly.

You see, I am certain of the things that I am looking for and the things that I need in order to reach my full potential as a person in the world and as a servant in the Kingdom of God. I have priorities that I am not willing to compromise because I know what God has called me to do. I am passionate about my calling and about the people who are going to be in my life as I do my best to fulfill that. So, if I feel a certain way about somebody or something, I'm going, to be honest about it. But here's the tricky part:

Sometimes, people are not always ready to hear how you feel. Sometimes, people don't want to know how you feel.Sometimes, people will tell you that what you're feeling is too much--that you are too much.

For a long time, I was constantly trying to find the balance between these two "evils" because maybe if I found a happy medium, I'd be the perfect amount of person for the people in my life.

NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE ALREADY THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF PERSON, AND IF PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU DIFFERENT, THOSE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.

So, yeah I feel a lot.

So, yeah, I am sure of what I want.

So, yeah, I am ready to tread the water. I am ready to be who my maker created me to be.

He didn't create us in a box, so why should we keep putting ourselves there? We are simply enough, not because our friends tell us so, not because our family tells us so, not because our teachers or peers tell us so, but simply because God tells us so. The happy medium between these two ideas of image destruction isn't possible if we are trying to be something that we are not. The happy medium is understanding that God loved us enough THEN to make our personalities individualized and unique, and that he loves us enough NOW to be our middle man when we can't find the perfect balance.

"Do this because you are a people set apart as holy to God, your God. God, your God, chose you out of all the people on Earth for himself as a cherished, personal treasure." (Deuteronomy 7:6)

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

70921
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

132496
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments