Middle Man
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Middle Man

A battle of "who I want to be" vs. "who I am".

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Middle Man
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As a twenty-year-old girl, it is safe to say that I have had my fair share of insecurities and self-worth issues brought to light over the span of my life. I am brought into the interrogation room over and over again, in hopes that maybe this time the light is shed on my faults that it won't hurt nearly as bad. However, that is not always the case.

I am constantly in this battle with myself of "who I want to be" versus "who I actually am".

Confidence in teenage girls and boys, unfortunately, is an endangered species. It's even becoming a social norm that we analyze and pick ourselves apart to the point where we don't feel good about ourselves, that we are not enough for ourselves. And if we are not enough for ourselves, how could we possibly be enough for the people around us?

Well, I set out on a mission to make this "not enough" nonexistent.

Unfortunately, my efforts to vanquish not being enough took a turn for the worst, and I got stuck with the other evil stepsister of this idea that a person can be "too much". Here's the thing: I have a lot of feelings, and often times, this isn't really seen as a fatal flaw, but it is something I am constantly struggling with due to the sheer fact that people in my life have told me I can be "too much" to handle because

I feel toomuch.

I am too sure of what I want.

I am swimming out into the deep end too quickly.

You see, I am certain of the things that I am looking for and the things that I need in order to reach my full potential as a person in the world and as a servant in the Kingdom of God. I have priorities that I am not willing to compromise because I know what God has called me to do. I am passionate about my calling and about the people who are going to be in my life as I do my best to fulfill that. So, if I feel a certain way about somebody or something, I'm going, to be honest about it. But here's the tricky part:

Sometimes, people are not always ready to hear how you feel. Sometimes, people don't want to know how you feel.Sometimes, people will tell you that what you're feeling is too much--that you are too much.

For a long time, I was constantly trying to find the balance between these two "evils" because maybe if I found a happy medium, I'd be the perfect amount of person for the people in my life.

NEWSFLASH: YOU ARE ALREADY THE PERFECT AMOUNT OF PERSON, AND IF PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU DIFFERENT, THOSE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.

So, yeah I feel a lot.

So, yeah, I am sure of what I want.

So, yeah, I am ready to tread the water. I am ready to be who my maker created me to be.

He didn't create us in a box, so why should we keep putting ourselves there? We are simply enough, not because our friends tell us so, not because our family tells us so, not because our teachers or peers tell us so, but simply because God tells us so. The happy medium between these two ideas of image destruction isn't possible if we are trying to be something that we are not. The happy medium is understanding that God loved us enough THEN to make our personalities individualized and unique, and that he loves us enough NOW to be our middle man when we can't find the perfect balance.

"Do this because you are a people set apart as holy to God, your God. God, your God, chose you out of all the people on Earth for himself as a cherished, personal treasure." (Deuteronomy 7:6)

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