I know this sounds weird, but I can barely fall asleep these days without having some strange dream where Mickey Mouse shows up and starts telling me how pathetic I am. I have no idea what his problem is or why he keeps choosing to belittle me as I sleep, but it keeps on happening. I start dreaming about something normal for a little while, but then out of nowhere Mickey Mouse shows up and hurts my feelings. Here are the five times when this has happened.
1. The time Mickey Mouse was a substitute teacher at my school
One night, I found myself dreaming that I was back in school, with a substitute teacher taking attendance for the class. I guess I hadn't really gotten a good look at the substitute, but when my name was called out I said "here" before looking up and finding myself gazing into the terrifying eyes of Mickey Mouse. He dropped the clipboard and said to me "What are you even doing here? Why are you even in school? You're never going to amount to anything anyway." I didn't understand why Mickey Mouse was treating me this way, or why he was my teacher, so I left the classroom quickly, before suddenly waking up from my slumber and wondering what on Earth was going on.
2. The time Mickey Mouse was my server at a restaurant
I really hoped that this whole Mickey Mouse business was over, but it was only a matter of time before he showed up in my dreams once again. I was grabbing food with some friends at a restaurant until I went to place my order with the server and realized that it just so happened to be Mickey Mouse. I tried to ask him why he was serving at a restaurant, but all he said was "I am a national icon. I am the world's most famous mouse. I can do whatever I want. What about you, huh? What have you ever accomplished? Are you a world-famous mouse? I didn't think so." I tried to explain that even though he was right that I am not a famous mouse, I had still accomplished some things in my life, but then I noticed that my friends were getting hungry and I was holding up the order, so I told Mickey Mouse that I would just get a burger and fries. It was actually a pretty good burger, but it was still one of the stranger dreams that I have had in my life.
3. The time I was at Disneyland and Mickey Mouse followed me everywhere
A few nights later, as I fell asleep once again, I found myself dreaming about Disneyland. I was a little concerned, of course, since that is obviously Mickey Mouse's domain, but I tried not to think about it so that I could enjoy some of the amusement park's attractions. Suddenly, I rounded a corner and found myself face to face with the Mouse himself. I kept walking, but Mickey Mouse followed, and then he wouldn't stop following me for the rest of my time in the park. I tried asking him if he had Mickey Mouse duties that he needed to attend to, but apparently following me was more important than taking pictures with people. I kept trying to get away, but at one point he cornered me and said, "I'm surprised you can even afford to come to this place since your life is literally going nowhere!" I mean Disneyland tickets are expensive, but I still did not understand why he was being so mean. Luckily I woke up soon after that.
4. The time I had a job interview and the person interviewing me was Mickey Mouse
At this point, I had sort of started to accept that Mickey Mouse was probably going to keep on invading my dreams and making me feel bad about myself, so I started to expect it a little bit. In this dream, I went in for a job interview, only to discover that my interviewer was, of course, none other than Mickey Mouse. He said "tell me about yourself" which I started to do before he quickly cut me off and said "honestly, why should I hire you? You're going nowhere in life. I'm Mickey Mouse for God's sake, who the heck are you?" I tried to explain who I was and how my background and prior work experience would be a great fit for the company, but I eventually decided it was a lost cause so I left the room, and luckily I also woke up right then and there.
5. The time I went to a concert and Mickey Mouse was the lead singer of the band playing
This one was honestly really upsetting. I had a dream that I was going to see one of my favorite bands in concert, a band whose lead singer I have looked up to for as long as I can even remember. I got to the concert venue and eagerly awaited the band to take the stage. When they finally came out, I looked up at the lead singer only to discover that the real lead singer was nowhere to be found. Who was there instead? I'll tell you who. It was Mickey Mouse. Even though he somehow knew the band's entire setlist, I was still disappointed due to the real lead singer's absence. Toward the end of the show, right as Mickey was announcing the last song, he looked at me straight in the eye and said into the microphone "This is my band. I'm the lead singer of this band now. You, on the other hand, are absolutely nothing." Then he started singing again. It was really weird. I woke up halfway through the last song, thankfully.
Hopefully, Mickey Mouse will soon stop invading my dreams, but it's hard to say for sure. I just don't know what happened to make Mickey go from a delightful cartoon character to a terribly mean mouse that belittles people in their dreams. All I know is that I am suddenly feeling very self-conscious about where I'm at in life, and it's all because of Mickey Mouse.