Michelle Williams' Fiance Threw Mental Illness In Her Face, And This Is My Issue With Interracial Relationships

Michelle Williams' Fiance Threw Mental Illness In Her Face, And This Is My Issue With Interracial Relationships

Michelle, GET OUT!


"It doesn't matter if you're black, white, green, yellow." Those were the words uttered from white-Chad's mouth as attempted to defend himself for calling his fiance, Michelle Williams' crazy for acknowledging their racial differences.

Comments like that honestly always leave me weak. It's the white man's go-to defense any time one of their thousands of micro-aggressions are called out. Like, in what part of the world are there green or yellow people, Mr. Oppressor?

Okay, let me back up for a moment.

For those of you who don't know, former Destiny Child, Michelle Williams, is engaged to white-Chad, a.k.a, Chad Johnson, and they have a reality show on the OWN Network. Personally, I've never watched it because I just seemed...you know. But a recent clip did catch my eye and I went ahead and watched the first two episodes.

The premise of "Chad Loves Michelle" seems to center around the religious couple's relationship, and since Chad proposed in the first episode, their road to marriage. They meet one another's family, consult a marriage counselor, and I guess...bond. Evidently, there was one huge thing that the couple somehow managed to gloss over until now, and I am truly weirded out. Race has apparently never come up. Michelle is black and white-Chad is, well, white. (Which actually did surprise me. For whatever reason, I assumed he was bi-racial. )

Well, in this clip Michelle recounts an argument the couple recently had. She had said something to him, and he was offended but her tone. According to Michelle, she tried to explain that her tone was "cultural," as opposed to offensive. You know, "that's just how black people talk." And that he just wasn't used to that type of speech because maybe he hadn't been around enough black people to know the difference. Anyways, White-Chad's response was, "did you take your meds today?" referencing his fiance's recent stint in a mental health facility for depression.

Michelle had recently been open about her battles with depression, and at one point it goes so bad that she voluntarily checked herself into a hospital.

When she said that he should "never go there," in regards to making light of her depression, his response was "you should never go there with black and white." Meaning, their racial differences should never be brought up.

Their therapist, who happened to be black, clearly agreed with Michelle that sometimes black people can be loud or expressive, but that it doesn't necessarily mean they are angry or upset. And I am sure every black woman in the history of dealing with white people has dealt with the same judgment and assumption --- I sure have.

You know what I see here? Classic white male fragility and gaslighting. I guess even "men of God" have no problem acting a whole entire ass.

Race will never not be an issue in interracial relationships. Cultural differences DO exist. And some of those differences, language included, do lend themselves to problems in a relationship. How you deal with those problems is the real test, and white-Chad failed.

Everyone sees color and anyone saying they don't is lying. There is nothing wrong with seeing color. As a matter of fact, people of color want you to recognize that we have differences. We want you to embrace our difference, not ignore them and we definitely don't want to be treated as less than because of them. Saying that "color" should not be brought up in an interracial relationship is punk-shit. What that means is that someone is afraid of getting their feelings hurt. It means that someone is now responsible for checking their own micro-aggression's.

Pretending racial differences don't exist is ignoring that person's culture, history and part of what makes them, them. What is white-Chad going to do when he has a black child? How is he going to talk to his son about why someone called him a "nigger?" How is he going to talk to his daughter about why white people keep putting their hands in her hair? He won't be able to because he spent the entirety of his relationship with a black woman learning nothing about black people. How is he going to talk to his children about what it means to be bi-racial in America when they are old enough to recognize the two sides of their identity?

I know that the dating world is hard and that the pool seems to get smaller and smaller, especially for educated and well-to-do women, so this isn't to say that I hate interracial couples. But I can only support the healthy ones. The ones in which the partner-of-color feels supported and is truly understood. And the white partner has taken it upon themselves to truly understand why this needs to be and has educated themselves enough to know their place is in their own lane!

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A Letter To The Tomboy I Used To Be

To that girl with the baseball hat, board shorts, and grass stains, thank you.

To the tomboy I used to be,

Thank you so much for making me the strong, beautiful, determined, and badass girl I am today. I am proud of who you've become. It is because of you that I can stand on my own two feet. It is because of you that I am not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

You were never easy to deal with. Mom and Dad had a lot to handle growing up. It was Dad who had to fight for you to be able to play boys' baseball. It was Mom who had to stand up to the boys that were mean to you for playing a boys' sport. It was both of them who had to cart you around to all of your games and practices, because playing one sport a season was just not enough. It was Mom who had to wash your clothes endless times, because the grass and dirt stains would never come out the first time. Don't ever forget who helped you become who you are.

Your attitude and thought process is very different from that of most girls. You grew up dealing with your problems through wrestling or fighting. Pettiness was not something you could deal with. Your anger came from losing a game, not drama with girls. You didn't understand why girls fought, or were so mean to each other, and to this day, you still don't understand it. You are different. You aren't like most girls by any means, which can be difficult for you, even now. You are so much tougher. You think differently. You are determined.

I love who you turned into. You are so strong; you handle everything with such passion and grit, that I can't help but thank you. Thank you for pushing yourself, and for not letting anything or anyone get in your way. The boys were mean sometimes, and the girls talked about you, but that never fazed you. That chip on your shoulder only made you strive even harder for greatness.

Thank you for making me unique. Thank you for making me extraordinary. Thank you for making me, me.



Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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If You're Against Abortion, Here's What You Should Do About It

There's more you can-- and should-- do than picket outside Planned Parenthood


Upon the recent passing of a law that permits late-term abortions, I have seen many of my friends cry out uproariously that our country is fallen and has forsaken God. While you could probably argue this point with other examples, I don't think that this particular one serves as proof of our current state. Let me first explain to you what this law really is about and then encourage you to take other actions to lower the abortion rate.

Now in case you're not familiar, New York recently passed a law allowing abortions during the third trimester of pregnancy. What I think a lot of people have still yet to realize is that this is only allowed in the case that the fetus is not likely to live once outside the womb or the birth will be of danger to the mother. So one more time for those who still might be confused, abortion doctors are not just taking babies out of the womb and killing them a day before birth because the mother decided she didn't want it anymore. This is to save lives and prevent pain and suffering.

I know many think that aborting a terminal fetus before birth still counts as murder, but let me equate it, instead, to ending life support for a loved one who is brain-dead. In many cases, these children are experiencing pain inside the womb only to be followed by more pain shortly before death once born. Parents that are choosing to abort their pregnancies in the third trimester for these reasons are devastated and only trying to end a child's suffering, often at the expense of their own.

Hopefully, I have convinced you that not all abortions are just being used as a form of contraception and that there are many painful stories about the necessity of abortion for a mother. What can you do to lower these rates though? Well, I might add that making abortion legal probably isn't going to do the trick. While you might want to close your ears to this information, women who want an abortion are probably going to get one whether it's legal or not. Many anti-abortion individuals happen to be the same individuals that are anti-gun control with the argument that illegal guns will be procured no matter the laws. Might I turn your eye than to the case of abortion and the fact that people will probably always do what they want to do. Anyhow, let me get off of my soapbox and actually provide some information.

If you're really in it to lower abortion rates, walking outside of Planned Parenthood with a sign, shaming the women who enter probably isn't going to do the trick. First of all, Planned Parenthood does more than just provide abortions, so you may be scaring/shaming a woman who just wants access to healthcare for her pregnancy out of seeking help at all. What you can do, however, is push for your local schools to teach real sex education and not abstinence-only contraception. Yeah, scary pictures of STD's might do the trick for a while, but as we've previously discussed, people are probably going to do what they want to do regardless of what you tell them. We need to be teaching our young people how to have safe sex, and just be teaching them about sex in general. I know that the thought of your teenager having sex probably scares the crap out of you but, if they're going to do it anyway, don't you want them to be safe?

Another thing that you can do to lower the rate of abortion is to call for easier access to birth control for women. When they can easily and affordably access safe methods of contraception, there are bound to be less unwanted pregnancies. The United States needs to not only be educating its youth about all aspects of sex, but it needs to be making it as easy as possible for them to be SAFE about it. It may not be your first preference for young people to be having sex, but if they're going to do it anyway, we need to ensure that they feel comfortable taking the countermeasures to be safe about it.

The last point I'd like to make before I finish up is that even if you think that abortion is morally wrong, it's not your choice to make whether or not another individual decides to get one. Many times this decision is going to be a painful one for the mother, especially if she knows that her child will not survive outside the womb. There is no reason to make this process more painful for her, or even dangerous by illegalizing it. We need to be supporting mothers and not shaming them for whatever decision they decide to make.

If you're anti-abortion, that doesn't mean you have to be anti-choice. If you would choose not to get one, that's totally fine and I understand that, but it's important to look at the bigger picture and ensure both the physical and mental health of our women who are probably already going through a lot. Now is not the time to tear others down for their choices. Now is the time for the human race to stand together and support each other and make sure that our country is a safe one to live in regardless of your beliefs.

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