17 Michael Scott Quotes To Lift You Up Any Day Of The Week
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17 Classic Michael Scott Quotes To Lift You Up Any Day Of The Week

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17 Classic Michael Scott Quotes To Lift You Up Any Day Of The Week

No matter what number of re-watch you're on, Michael is always a joker. Here are 17 times that will make any day of any week better.

1. "Should have burned this place down when I had the chance."

2. "There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifiling through them like crazy and I grabbed one… and it fit! So I don’t that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least, it’s bisexual."

3. "Yes, I’ve heard ‘women and children first’, but we do not employ children. We are not a sweatshop, thankfully. And women are equal in the workplace, by law, so if I let them out first… I have a lawsuit on my hands."

4. "Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you."

5. "Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family."

6. "I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me! No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I am trying to make."

7. "That's what she said."

8. "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

9. "I understand nothing."

10. "I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter."

11. "Dwight, you ignorant slut."

12. "Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet."

13.  "Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and... I have a great one. *types* "LittleKidLover". That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."

14. "Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation."

15. "When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant to save up money for school. And then I lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business right then and there than business school would ever teach me."

16. "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

17. "The world sends people your way... Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That's easy. Gimme a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam's a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two. But sometimes twos can be wild. So watch out. And I am obviously the joker."

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