THE END OF THE WORLD

(AS WE KNOW IT)

...

THIS IS A DRILL

I know this is a matter of the highest concern for all of you. Therefore, I am here to provide some advice in regards to where you might want to make your safe place if you happen to be on the Mount Holyoke College campus when Armageddon hits.

For starters, you may be tempted by the many nooks and crannies scattered throughout campus (the Hobbit-esque crevice beneath the art building bridge for instance or the tall, tangled branches of the tree outside Dwight and for the love of hedgehogs, do not climb to the top of Kendade just because they say the aliens are coming to help. The Visitors would much prefer if everyone gathered on Skinner in an orderly fashion before boarding the mothership, thank you). Not all of these are probably good choices, with the exceptions of a few basement classrooms in Clapp that is. The maze of a building that is would confuse anything enough to disrupt even the most carefully planned Armageddon.

Now, if you don't mind being surrounded by a bit of history at the End (whatever this "End" may entail) you might find the Mount Holyoke Archives an ideal candidate for your Apocalypse lock-down. Temperature controlled, basement level, not the easiest find on campus with some hidden entries around little closet-like corners of Dwight, it is nearly impenetrable. With a proper food supply one could make it out quite well in this little curatorial hideaway. Should the asteroid hit, the bunker-ish feel of the Archives would surely protect any inhabitants from destruction and the insulated nature of the area would ensure contaminated air particles remained on the outside until it was safe to emerge. It would certainly be one for the history books and you could say you were there, witnessing history amidst history.

Moving along from Dwight, just around a corner and down a few corridors we come to the library, legendary to bibliophiles and coffee lovers alike for its wonderful stained glass, Chihuly sculpture and easy pre-class Rao's stop. Just to add to its greatness would be its undeniable choice as any savvy Mount Holyoke student's Armageddon hide-out (especially when faced with the zombie scenario). Much like the Archives, none but your own would be able to discover you, thanks to the mazes of shelves and floor-to-ceiling carved wood ornamentation. It's spacious enough to house a large portion of all your closest Facebook friends and what's best, you'd have tech-support from LITS should your electronics bonk out on you. (Wouldn't want your "Walking Dead" binge to be cut short because of some silly little world crisis). At least until the zombies cut the power, that is. And the wifi. But then you'll have the books so it's alright. So hunker down for the long night with that java and those encyclopedias. It's going to be a long one.

If cool architecture and hordes of books aren't quite your style, you do of course have your pick of dining halls. For our purposes, I shall suggest Roswell Gray Ham Hall, affectionately known simply as Ham to all and impossible not to consider as an option for a high probability of apocalyptic survival. Far from the most attractive building on campus, Ham may remind some of a concrete cellblock (if a well-furbished one). There is food and a solid array of windows (for observation purposes) so you can calmly watch the end of the world unfold while you munch on your cinnamon-raisin bagel and bitter coffee. Even if those same windows won't help much if the sun is encompassing the earth, at least you'll go out full and with a sunrise like the world has never seen.

As a final note, I want to make one thing very clear.

I don't care if you live in Prospect and are worried for Jorge's safety.

I don't care if you are standing next to him when the sirens go off.

The goose will be okay.

If it is revealed that the universe is being sucked into a tear in the space-time continuum because of an unknown temporal disturbance (too much time-travel), it's probably Jorge's doing. The same goes for an alien invasion. He'll be hopping aboard the mothership and flying away safely to his home planet anyway.

I'm just saying.

The General addressing his troops (preparing for the End?)

So whether it is zombies, asteroids, implosion, temporal tears in the space-time or biblically-proportioned Wrath, just remember you've got this and you're in good company. (Except maybe for the goose. He's still a wildcard.)