I want to begin by saying that I am a woman, so I don't know everything about sexual assault against men or how men feel about it. I don't proclaim to know how men feel about their traumas, much in the same way that I don't proclaim to know how other women feel about their traumas. Many of my opinions being presented are based on the research I conducted while writing this piece.
There is nothing like waking up in the morning to see the #RespectHarry hashtag trending at some capacity. When this happens, it usually means that someone or some group of people have disrespected Harry Styles, famed singer from One Direction who recently released his debut solo album and is currently touring it. In this case, Harry Styles was groped (also known as sexually assaulted) while on stage at the Hollywood Bowl performing for the We Can Survive benefit concert, alongside a wide array of other artists, including P!nk, Lorde, and Macklemore.
And, of course, there are people who are coming out questioning whether or not we should even consider this sexual assault for one of three reasons: 1) he would consistently grab the crotches of the other One Direction members, 2) he's a man (and men can never be sexually assaulted, right?), or 3) he's Harry Edward Styles, the "womanizer" of the group, the "sex symbol" for this decade, and the "bad boy." Here is why everyone who is trying to silence this man and his sexual assault is wrong:
1) There is a difference, and that difference is consent.
Him grabbing the crotches of his former 1D bandmates is not the same as a crazy fan grabbing his crotch during a performance. In fact, if you knew anything about the One Direction members, you'd know that the crotch grabbing was a running joke for them over the five years they were together as a group. When you have a running joke, there's implied consent. All five of those boys seemingly consented to their running joke. However, he never consented to being grabbed by a fan. In fact, he has never consented to that. The difference is consent and it's a shame that people still don't understand the concept of consent.
2) Just because he is a man does not mean that he will not ever be sexually assaulted.
In fact, a 2014 study shows that men and women are assaulted at nearly the same rate. It's not just women who are being assaulted in Hollywood; no, celebrity men are being assaulted, too. Among male celebrities on the increasingly long list of men who are sexually assaulted in Hollywood include Terry Crews, Michael Gaston, and James Van Der Beek. Many singers were abused in their childhoods, including Chester Bennington. What's interesting (and rather outraging) is the fact that when I typed the phrase "male singers sexually assaulted in Hollywood," every single link on the first page has a title relating to the "MALE SCUMBAGS" of Hollywood, male celebrities who have gotten away with assault, etc. If that doesn't say anything about how we treat men who are sexually assaulted, to the point where they don't even get to have their stories on the first results page of a simple Google search, I don't know what does.
3) He is still a human being deserving of respect.
Harry has been labeled as a womanizer and a sex symbol since he was sixteen.
Let that sink in. He has been sexualized since he was a minor on the X Factor. Every time he walks out of his house, there is a chance that he could be sexually assaulted because he was labeled as a sex symbol among older women (gross, by the way) and people somehow still can't keep their hands to themselves. He was sexually assaulted while doing his job on October 21, 2017, by a woman who went boy crazy because he knelt down in front of her section during his performance of "Kiwi," a song off of his self-titled album.
Do you want to know who I blame for his sexual assault? I blame the woman who did this and I blame every single news outlet who has interviewed him over the last seven years and has labeled him as the womanizer of One Direction. I blame every single interviewer that has made him answer to the idea that he himself is a womanizer (which, by past events, is not true at all). I blame every mom who took a sixteen-year-old boy who wanted to sing and made him out to be a sex symbol because he's a little cheeky. That is who I blame for his sexual assault. I would never blame Harry, and I hope many people would have the decency to NOT blame him, because he is the victim, not the perpetrator.
Do you know why it's hard to be male and a sexual assault survivor? It's because no one takes you seriously. Men are less likely to report their sexual assaults due to many reasons, including that society feels that they forgo vulnerability because of their masculinity, men are physically stronger than women and they should have been able to prevent their own assaults, it's seen as weak among their peers, and that they have so little resources due to all of the reasons previously mentioned. Men are being failed by the system in the same ways that women feel like they are being failed.
What do we need to do to begin ceasing the sexual violence against people? We need to discontinue advertising sexual assault, rape, and sexual harassment as an issue only faced by women. We need to stop erasing men from this heinous crime. We need to stop saying that women have it harder. Men have it just as tough as women do when it comes to reporting their assaults, being believed by the police and their peers. Men are ostracized daily for their struggles with their sexual traumas just as much as women are.
When we start seeing men and women as equal, I bet there will be more resources to help people move on from their traumas. More people will be more comfortable coming forward with their traumas.
#MeToo? #MenToo.
