A Message To The Man That Broke Me

A Message To The Man That Broke Me

Here's to moving forward with our heads held high.
16
views

This one is for you.

You who, once upon a time, was there when we needed you the most. In a time where everything felt like chaos, you arrived and offered stability to a household of scattered jigsaw pieces. You were far from perfect, but your flaws showed an individual that was right at home with the rest of us. I was the closest you had to a child in a long time, and while I would never be a substitute for the loss you had faced so long ago, we managed to scrape by sharing a relationship of something along the lines of mutual respect.

You who, after several years, faced major medical complications which caused irreparable damage to your body and mind. You had suffered the kind of damage that doctors were sure you would not come back from, and for once you needed us to be there for you. I was willing, and I made room in my heart for the change that was to take place, but I could never have known just how bad things would get. In the years since your degradation, I've had to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer safe around you.

You who, day after day, take out the frustrations of your unjust life on everyone around you, on the people who care and want nothing but what is best for you. Sometime after the degradation, after we downsized to an affordable place to call home, you directed every ounce of anger you could muster my way. I knew it wasn't your fault, that I needed to be brave for the people who worked hard to support you and myself, but I was not being brave. I let you tear me down every day until I had nothing left. I was stupid, and that is the biggest regret of my life.

You who, every minute, berated me with your insults, your threats, and on the rare occasion that I didn't pay attention, your weak, flesh and bone fist. I heard everything you had to say, even when all everyone recommended was ignoring you, I listened and soaked in every last insult. I believed that I was worthless, that I should die, that I would always be a failure, that I would never make it if I pursued my dreams. I let your anger with the world infect my motivation to get out of bed each morning, and I've lived under that shadow for far too long.

You who, every second, climbs into my hopeful thoughts with your doubt and shatters the confidence I once took pride in. I've wanted to hate you for so long, but hate is exhausting and I just don't have the energy for that. When things got really bad, I always reminded myself not to blame you because what happened to you is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So now, in order to rid myself of the anger you've left with me, I wish only to say one thing. One thing that I might never have the strength or courage to say to your face.

I forgive you, but I can never again allow you to be a part of my life.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

Popular Right Now

A Letter To My Go-To Aunt

Happiness is having the best aunt in the world.
21175
views

I know I don't say it enough, so let me start off by saying thank you.

You'll never understand how incredibly blessed I am to have you in my life. You'll also never understand how special you are to me and how much I love you.

I can't thank you enough for countless days and nights at your house venting, and never being too busy when I need you. Thank you for the shopping days and always helping me find the best deals on the cutest clothes. For all the appointments I didn't want to go to by myself. Thank you for making two prom days and a graduation party days I could never forget. Thank you for being overprotective when it comes to the men in my life.

Most importantly, thank you for being my support system throughout the numerous highs and lows my life has brought me. Thank you for being honest even when it isn't what I want to hear. Thank you for always keeping my feet on the ground and keeping me sane when I feel like freaking out. Thank you for always supporting whatever dream I choose to chase that day. Thank you for being a second mom. Thank you for bringing me into your family and treating me like one of your own, for making me feel special because you do not have an obligation to spend time with me.

You've been my hero and role model from the time you came into my life. You don't know how to say no when family comes to you for help. You're understanding, kind, fun, full of life and you have the biggest heart. However, you're honest and strong and sometimes a little intimidating. No matter what will always have a special place in my heart.

There is no possible way to ever thank you for every thing you have done for me and will continue to do for me. Thank you for being you.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

I Never Thought I'd Have To Attend A Classmate's Funeral Two Weeks Before He Was Supposed To Graduate

Teen suicide is a taboo topic where I'm from, even if we have lost two members of the community to it in the past two years.

100
views

One of the hardest experiences of my life happened just this week, at the funeral of a boy I barely even knew. I had gone to school with him since kindergarten but hadn't had a class with him since fifth grade, and I don't think we had talked since then. All I had ever thought of doing with my classmates two weeks before graduation was complaining about finals and maybe going to a few graduation parties.

Instead, we all left school midday to head to the largest Baptist church in town. I sat in the middle of a row of pews, surrounded by two hundred or more people that I had either gone to school with my whole life or had gone to school with at some point in the past thirteen years.

There was not a single one of them that did not have tears in their eyes. We listened to the pastor share memories of our classmate that had been shared online, and some of us even got up to share our own and to thank his parents for raising such a kind and caring, young man.

He was the type of guy to invite you to go out to eat, even if he knew you had to work, just because he didn't want you to feel forgotten about. Every single person who spoke said, "There wasn't a single thing I didn't like about this kid." They spoke those words in full truth.

The senior class was named in the obituary as honorary pallbearers. We followed the eight football players and the rest of the football team and our classmate's closest friends to a hearse waiting outside. I watched as the hearse pulled away, and I believe that is when it truly hit everyone.

He was gone, and he wasn't coming back. As the hearse pulled away, all I could see on the other side were tears streaming down the faces of some of the toughest guys I know.

We called the football team the Thunder House. The phrase "Thunder House" went from something normally said with a smile or a chuckle to something said with a melancholy tone. No one cheered when it was said anymore, they only gave sad nods and tight, depressing smiles.

Teen suicide is a taboo topic where I'm from, even if we have lost two members of the community to it in the past two years. In 2017, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published an article stating that Americans in rural areas are more likely to die by suicide, also stating that suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States.

The week before we lost our classmate, there was a walk at the school on a Saturday to raise awareness for teen suicide and depression. I only heard one teacher say anything about it beforehand. There were no signs around the school. There was no mention of it on the morning announcements. There was not a post on the school's website inviting members of the community to join us.

I truly believe that more could have been done that could have possibly prevented the heartache that has impacted a school, a family, and a community. Reach out to those you feel may be in need, and even those that you do not feel may be in need because you never know what someone is going through.

Articles on suicide prevention or recount stories of suicide or suicidal thoughts should end with the following message, written in regular weight font, styled in italics:

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Related Content

Facebook Comments