A Message To The Man That Broke Me

A Message To The Man That Broke Me

Here's to moving forward with our heads held high.
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This one is for you.

You who, once upon a time, was there when we needed you the most. In a time where everything felt like chaos, you arrived and offered stability to a household of scattered jigsaw pieces. You were far from perfect, but your flaws showed an individual that was right at home with the rest of us. I was the closest you had to a child in a long time, and while I would never be a substitute for the loss you had faced so long ago, we managed to scrape by sharing a relationship of something along the lines of mutual respect.

You who, after several years, faced major medical complications which caused irreparable damage to your body and mind. You had suffered the kind of damage that doctors were sure you would not come back from, and for once you needed us to be there for you. I was willing, and I made room in my heart for the change that was to take place, but I could never have known just how bad things would get. In the years since your degradation, I've had to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer safe around you.

You who, day after day, take out the frustrations of your unjust life on everyone around you, on the people who care and want nothing but what is best for you. Sometime after the degradation, after we downsized to an affordable place to call home, you directed every ounce of anger you could muster my way. I knew it wasn't your fault, that I needed to be brave for the people who worked hard to support you and myself, but I was not being brave. I let you tear me down every day until I had nothing left. I was stupid, and that is the biggest regret of my life.

You who, every minute, berated me with your insults, your threats, and on the rare occasion that I didn't pay attention, your weak, flesh and bone fist. I heard everything you had to say, even when all everyone recommended was ignoring you, I listened and soaked in every last insult. I believed that I was worthless, that I should die, that I would always be a failure, that I would never make it if I pursued my dreams. I let your anger with the world infect my motivation to get out of bed each morning, and I've lived under that shadow for far too long.

You who, every second, climbs into my hopeful thoughts with your doubt and shatters the confidence I once took pride in. I've wanted to hate you for so long, but hate is exhausting and I just don't have the energy for that. When things got really bad, I always reminded myself not to blame you because what happened to you is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. So now, in order to rid myself of the anger you've left with me, I wish only to say one thing. One thing that I might never have the strength or courage to say to your face.

I forgive you, but I can never again allow you to be a part of my life.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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An Open Letter To The Girl Trying To Get Healthy Again

"I see you eating whatever you want and not exercising" - Pants
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Dear girl trying to get back in shape,

I know it's hard. I know the hardest thing you may do all day is walk into the gym. I know how easy it is to want to give up and go eat Chicken McNuggets, but don't do it. I know it feels like you work so hard and get no where. I know how frustrating it is to see that person across the table from you eat a Big Mac every day while you eat your carrots and still be half of your size. I know that awful feeling where you don't want to go to the gym because you know how out of shape you are. Trust me, I know.

SEE ALSO: To The Girl Trying To Lose Weight In College


The important thing is you are doing something about it. I'm sure you get mad at yourself for letting your body get this out of shape, but life happens. You have made a huge accomplishment by not having a soda in over a month, and those small changes are huge. I understand how hard it is, I understand how frustrating it is to not see results and I understand why you want to give up. Being healthy and fit takes so much time. As much as I wish you could wake up the day after a good workout with the 6 pack of your dreams, that just isn't the reality. If being healthy was easy, everyone would do it, and it wouldn't feel so good when you got there.

Remember how last January your resolution was to get back in the gym and get healthy again? Think about how incredible you would look right now if you would have stuck with it. The great thing is that you can start any time, and you can prove yourself wrong.

Tired of starting over? Then don't give up.

You are only as strong as your mind. You will get there one day. Just be patient and keep working.

Nothing worth having comes easy. If you want abs more than anything, and one day you woke up with them, it wouldn't be nearly as satisfying as watching your body get stronger.

Mental toughness is half the battle. If you think you are strong, and believe you are strong, you will be strong. Soon, when you look back on the struggle and these hard days, you will be so thankful you didn't give up.

Don't forget that weight is just a number. What is really important is how you feel, and that you like how you look. But girl, shout out to you for working on loving your body, because that shit is hard.

To the girl trying to get healthy again, I am so proud of you. It won't be easy, it will take time. But keep working out, eating right, and just be patient. You will be amazed with what your body is capable of doing.

Cover Image Credit: Stock Snap

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To The Person Who Can't Get Out Of Bed Because Of Depression

"Many others around the world are in the same spot you are, hoping they're not the only person that feels like this."

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I know what it is you're feeling...or not feeling. Maybe you've got emotion bleeding from every part of you, and it's just too much today. Or, maybe you feel nothing at all, searching for something that makes you feel human again. Either way, depression can hold you hostage in your bed, on your couch, on the kitchen floor, staring at the stove light.

Some would look at your behavior and call it lazy, but you probably feel anything but lazy.

You may not have washed your hair in a few days, or your bedroom might look like a tornado of dirty dishes and laundry. But, depression is a lot of work and neurotypical people can't understand just how much effort you put into doing everyday tasks. Just know that you're not alone in your lethargy. Many others around the world are in the same spot you are, hoping they're not the only person that feels like this.

I want to encourage you to do the thing that you really don't want to do right now. You don't have to get everything done today, or do as much as your friends do, or as much as people say you should do. Only you live in your body; you know what your limits are.

Start with something simple, like putting your feet on the floor.

For you, on some days, that is a small victory that can be truly celebrated. If you can stand up and move around, do something nice for your body. Brush your teeth. Comb out your hair so it's nice and shiny. Stand under the shower head and use your favorite soap. If you're still doing alright after that, challenge yourself to move around. Stretch. Go outside and let the sunshine meet your skin. Ride a bike. Even though that probably sounds like the worst idea ever right now, I know that your mind and body will thank you. You might even become motivated to get something done that you've been dreading for days, weeks or even months. Pay that bill. Text that friend. Make that appointment. I promise you'll feel better with a little weight taken off your shoulders.

Do you see how one small decision to stand up can lead to a completely different track for your day? Every little thing you do today is something you can be proud of. Don't let those who don't understand or don't want to understand inhibit your progress. And, if you don't think that anyone else is proud of you, I am proud of you. Good job today.

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