Holidays really highlight the absence of a loved one who has passed. I think it's because life is so busy that we numb out the thought that our loved ones are gone. During the holidays, everyone pauses and a spotlight is on family and loved ones. It's then that we are reminded that a big piece of our family is absent. Those who are left behind sit there and remember how holidays were spent when we had our loved ones here with us. Christmas, especially, is supposed to be a magical time filled with joy and happiness. Well angel, without you here the hole in my heart feels 10 times bigger during this time of year. Seeing commercials and advertisements of gift ideas to get for your loved ones and knowing you aren't here to smother with love is weird. It feels as though something is seriously missing. And something is missing: you.
Without you here, it doesn't feel like Christmas. Playing and hearing Christmas music doesn't spark that joy in our hearts like it did before. Picking out a Christmas tree and decorating it just does not feel right. Maybe if I don't decorate it and just wait for you to come through the door, all will be fine. But we know you aren't coming back so why do all these things that you love about Christmas if you aren't here to see it. The Christmas lights sit in the box waiting to be put up but we know that it doesn't hold the same meaning anymore. They shine, sure, but not like before.
I hope that Heaven is just as magical, if not more, during this time of year. I hope that you and the angels are putting up some lights on trees and lighting candles and hanging up wreaths around your new home. I'm jealous of the angels to be around you even more so now during Christmas-time. They get to see that huge smile of yours and get one of your warm hugs on Christmas morning. How I wish I could have one more Christmas morning with you to hear you singing before mass.
Does it snow in Heaven? If it does, I hope that you don't have to shovel any of it because I know how much you hated that. I hope you get to sit and relax and watch the snowflakes land on the clouds. I hope the twinkle in your eyes continues to light up Heaven. God must know how much you meant to us and only took you from us to give you the best so I really believe that this Christmas you are being spoiled by Him. It makes me happy knowing that you are spending Christmas with Jesus this year and every year from now on. How lucky am I to have my loved one sitting with Jesus and His angels during one of the most beautiful holidays.
I pray that you wake up on Christmas morning and get a big hug from Jesus. I know how much you loved Him and how your faith for Him and His plan never wavered. I hope you are woken up by angels singing "Silent Night" and join them in praising our Lord. I hope that everyone that went before you that you love is there with you around the dinner table. If they open gifts in Heaven, I hope you get one from me; filled with hugs, kisses, and letters of how much I miss you.
Merry Christmas in Heaven, angel. I heard that our loved ones come back on Christmas and sit with their families for a while. I hope this is true because we'll leave a chair and place at the table for you. I'll look for a sign that you are with us during this holiday. Stay warm. I love you forever and miss you always.
