In our society, we have all these celebrities and people coming out and saying that their mental health advocates. So why is it still so difficult for everyone to come out and talk about mental illnesses? With all of these advocates out there, it still feels like if you have a mental illness, there's no one to help, your alone and shunned by the world. Leading people to suffer in silence on their own with these illnesses that there is help out there for.
Personally, I have felt this way. I have been professionally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, severe anxiety, and depression, but even then, I still didn't want to talk about it. That couldn't be me. I'm not crazy how could I of all people be diagnosed with these illnesses? Ironically, I'm studying psychology to be a mental health advocate to help people who are in denial of their illnesses, and I, myself, was in absolute denial of my own mental illnesses.
I attended therapy for about three months when I was first diagnosed about a year ago before the denial hit hard, and I quit attending my sessions. The sessions began to get really personal, and I could see how what she was saying was right, and I was sick, but I didn't want to be. Anyways, I'm studying psychology, so if I was sick, I could help myself, right? Absolutely no reason I should be attending these sessions, right? Well, I was so terribly wrong.
Rock Bottom:
You always hear people joke about how they've hit rock bottom or how they're having a mental breakdown and dying their own hair and all that. But what really is rock bottom? For me, I'm still currently at rock bottom. After quitting therapy, my mental health steadily declined. I became this person I couldn't even recognize this person I honestly hated. Being so down on myself all the time lead me to begin lashing out and pushing everyone around me away, making their lives miserable if they were around me at all. I started to manipulate people and tried to control them as much as I could cause if I wasn't happy, no one could be happy, right? Well, that was wrong and irrational, and I quickly learned that.
Lashing out and manipulating people lead them to pretty much hate me as much as I hated myself. My family didn't even want me around, my significant other of six years said they had enough and left me, and my friends tried to be supportive, but they knew, they knew I have hit my rock bottom. How do I turn this around? How does one start going back up after hitting this rock bottom?
Admitting There's A Problem:
For everyone treating mental illness is a long slow process that is individualized for everyone. But, for everyone, there is always the same first step to their treatment, admitting there's a problem. This step is never easy. Accepting you have a mental illness puts this stigma on you that you're this crazy, unstable person who has to take medicine or go to therapy just to control themselves. But that's not the case at all.
The first time I attended therapy, I couldn't admit it. I could not just admit to myself and others that I had this mental illness and needed help. Well, a year later, after I have hit my rock bottom and basically pushed everyone I had away, I am taking the first step I am admitting to myself and the world that I have a mental illness, but I don't want that to define me. How are supposed to not let this illness define who you are? Simple, admit it, and start a treatment plan, begin your recovery.
Learning to Love Yourself:
It seems like such a simple thing to do, right? Just love who you are. But what if you don't? If you let your mental illness define who you are, chances are you don't love yourself. That's okay, though. Starting to recover means finding ways to love yourself again. How can you expect anyone else to love you if you can't even love yourself?
Personally, I don't have much to say about my own recovery. I just started. I've reached back out to my therapist started attending our sessions virtually, of course. I got back on the appropriate medication and taking my recovery seriously now. For me, I reached out I apologized to everyone close to me. I'm not sure what I said or did to hurt them, but I know when I hit my low, I probably did something or other to hurt them. I now see that I'm not alone in this process. I still have friends and a family who love me dearly. But I'm not doing this for them. I'm recovering for me, myself, and I.
Recovering from any mental illness is never a quick, easy, overnight process. It will take time you will have some easy days and others that are very difficult to handle. But the most important thing to do is to never give up and do it for yourself and only yourself. Find a new hobby, learn a new language find something you enjoy doing, and learn to love it and love who you are mental illness and all.
