You’re not alone.
Those hard emotions you feel are felt by so many other people. You have no idea. I know because I’ve felt them before.
Let’s go back to February 2017. February 20, 2017, my birthday to be exact. I turned 21 and I thought by now I’d have everything in life figured out. I thought I’d be more of an “adult”. Whatever that means. But there I was sitting, holding my head, in the Avenues mall trying to act normal and enjoy my birthday with my mom. But enjoying my birthday seemed impossible because I felt this deep sadness that I couldn’t explain.
I asked myself “why am I so upset when everything in my life is going good?”
Two days later my precious grandmother Vivi passed away from cancer. After several months of dealing with this deep sadness I started to get worried. At first I thought my sadness might be attributed to Vivi’s death, but my sadness went beyond that. I was easily brought to tears by minor inconveniences and couldn’t seem to accomplish basic tasks. It was a battle to get out of bed, eat breakfast and be motivated to take care of my day-to-day responsibilities. I started blowing off some of my friends because I didn’t want to let them into the pain I was feeling. I was tired of trying to act like everything is OK.
So I took a trip to the doctor in search of some help. I needed relief from all of these emotions. I was prescribed an antidepressant and I was hopeful it would help. However, after about a week of taking it I had a terrible reaction to it and had stop taking it.
During all of this though, I also began to go to counseling at my church. Having an unbiased person be there for you makes such a huge impact. My sweet counselor has encouraged me to seek the Lord and ask hard questions. I started reading through the Psalms and felt so encouraged by them. One of my favorite Psalms is Psalm 121 which says:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.”
The Lord sees you and me in our hurt and desires to help us. Whatever we struggle with, whether it’s anxiety, depression, loneliness, or something else God cares so deeply for you. God’s son Jesus understands the pain we feel. John 11:35 says “Jesus wept.” To be honest, that is one of my favorite Bible verses because it shows Jesus felt emotions, he felt hurt. But He doesn’t just leave us to suffer and not give us a solution to the pain we feel. In 1 Peter 4:19, it says:
“Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”
Dealing with mental illnesses is extremely difficult but we serve a faithful God who we can entrust our souls with. Let me encourage you that it’s OK to not be OK.
**If you or someone you know struggles with depression encourage them to seek out help. There are many resources out there such as counseling and seeking medical advice.
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255