It’s a scene that many people are all-too-familiar with; a couple sifts through Netflix trying to decide what to watch. The girl suggests a particular romance movie that she’s seen about 12 times, for which the guy was present for about five of those 12 times. The guy, wanting to watch anything else but that movie, opts for something a bit more masculine, like an action or science fiction movie.

So who wins? Let your intuition make that decision.

I am a firm advocate, however, that men should be watching romance movies. Do I want to torture the male species? Not really. But I truly believe that a man can really develop his character based on these movies.

Romance and chick-flick movies are undoubtedly geared towards femininity as our society so defines it. These movies often have a protagonist that meets a member of the opposite sex (or even the same sex) and, through a steamy plot of sex, strife, and sophistication, they grow together or apart. It’s the idealistic romance: struggle, love, and compromise.

Not much room in there for society’s view of masculinity, as it would seem. But hear me out:

The concept of the Yin and the Yang in Eastern philosophy is quite well known but poorly understood. It showcases the balance of knowledge by giving an understanding and appreciation of duality. In order to understand and appreciate the light, you must understand and appreciate darkness. In order to understand pleasure, you must understand pain.

I am a firm believer that in order to understand your masculinity, you must appreciate and try to understand femininity.

Society has created a duality between men and women by separating what their behaviors should be based on their gender. Men must be the logical and pragmatic person, while women are the emotional and free-spirited individuals. Whether or not these definitions are an issue is a topic for another article. Nonetheless, romance movies shape our society’s view on women by marketing to the predefined standard of femininity.

But what does all of this mean to the guy who’s having to sit through all two hours of “The Notebook?”

Regardless of whether or not you actually enjoy “The Notebook,” all people crave intimacy. It is one of our most basic desires. Granted, not everyone wants intimacy as described in romance novellas, but many people want to be desired by a significant other, and vice versa. In addition, a man probably has different wants with regards to his intimacy than his female counterpart due to the partition between genders. Not only are we physiologically and psychologically different, but society tells us we have to behave differently. Thus, many conflicts are born by this difference in desires and behaviors.

By watching romance movies geared towards the intimacy desires of women, a man can gain a great deal of insight into what woman crave. If he watches these movies with his significant other, he can also see how his woman reacts to certain events in the film and tailor his action to meet his partner’s specific needs. He can try to empathize and understand why women feel the way they feel when they watch these movies. He can empathize with the female characters in the film itself and try to understand them.

But most importantly, it teaches men about their own desires for intimacy. Remember the Yin and Yang; to truly understand your masculinity, you must appreciate femininity. Men, in general, need to be more open and honest with their desires, despite society’s misconstrued definition that men should be stoic. Embrace the fact that you love to love, and that you love to be loved.

So to my male friends who are stuck watching some Nicholas Sparks remake: watch the movie very carefully. How did it make you feel? If you were in any of the characters’ place, how would you feel? Would this be a relationship you’d be happy in? Why or why not?

For the record, if there are any couples out there looking for a romance/chick flick movie to watch, here’s my list of romance movies that are well-made movies, focus on both male and female characters, have good plots, and aren’t cheesy: “Her,” “Much Ado About Nothing,” “About Time,” “Jerry Maguire,” “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” “Lost in Translation,” and probably the greatest of them all, “Casablanca.”