Have you ever taken the Megabus? If you have, you know that it often comes with unpleasant instances that start from the very first moment you go to purchase your ticket— we all know prices are never "starting at $1" like advertised.
When it comes to the actual experience of the trip, the drivers come and go as they please with little regard to arrival and departure times, workers are anything but helpful, and buses have a funny way of developing mechanical issues out of nowhere. Especially and unfortunately on days when you're in a rush to get to your destination.
If you have been blessed enough to have avoided this demon of a transportation vehicle thus far in your life, I highly recommend keeping it that way. I'm convinced it's run by Satan & Co. Believe me. There is an immeasurable amount evidence that points to this theory.
Here are six pieces of irrefutable evidence that Megabus is run by Satan:
1. It's a dead zone— just like hell.
Last week I was forced to take hell on wheels, the Megabus. I had lots of work to do but couldn't use my phone or computer because they died faster than usual (think on that) and, even though I had chargers, I couldn't plug them in.
Why? Because the only outlet that was working was suspiciously placed right by the stairwell, setting a surefire trap for anyone walking to trip over my charger cord and fall down the stairs— a trap clearly set by Satan himself that I refuse to play into. Not today, Satan.
2. The bathrooms.
The Megabus toilet is clearly the portal to the underworld. Fight me on this and I will stand by it. It's filthy, grimy, and slimy just like Satan, the serpent. There's even a red help button inside as if they've had incidents before.
3. The number six.
My friend once had three sixes in her confirmation number. The devil's number is 666. Coincidence? I think not.
4. The mysterious disappearances...
My bus once disappeared. It was supposed to come at 9:15 p.m. but never showed and none of the people from the call center knew where it was. By 2 a.m. they finally sent another bus (which I wasn't notified about at all until it arrived at my stop around 4 a.m.).
It was as if the original bus had just evaporated into thin air. Apparently, this is not uncommon and I believe that there is only one explanation: black magic.
5. The seats.
The seats look the carpeting at a fun cosmic bowling venue, designed to taunt you and remind you of all the fun you're not having. This has to be a circle of hell.
6. The WiFi.
On my last Megabus trip, the WiFi went out right after 3 a.m. and 3 a.m. is the haunted hour. Yes, the WiFi went out 10 more times that trip but we all know it was the devil's work. Need I say it again— the place is a dead zone.
For anyone who feels as though they can't shake the Megabus, I advise checking out these links to get rid of any Megabus demons that may be following you, close the portal that is clearly the Megabus bathroom, or to cleanse your soul from the demonic vibe the Megabus has left you with. Best of luck.
