One of the things I hear quite often is that I am a joyful person. I sometimes question this because my heart does not always feel joyful. There are days that I really want to live in my own little world. There are days where my couch looks much more inviting than my classes. There are days where I feel like I don't measure up. There are days where I compare myself to others. There are days where I am completely stressed out and my brain is going one thousand miles per hour. There are days where I wonder how God could possibly use my broken and messy life for any sort of higher purpose. However, amidst all those shards, somehow people still see a light.

I have learned enough in my lifetime to recognize that the light is not me. There is no way I could have experienced the things I have in my life and still find joy. Joy is not about a feeling, joy is not about circumstances, but joy is about choosing, despite it all, to cling to Jesus. Joy means that the hurting and hard days still happen, but it means that there is a Light, no matter how dim it appears, shining through the deepest darkness.I can think of a million excuses as to why God cannot use me. I'm too busy. I'm too tired. I'm too selfish. I'm too broken. I'm too... But, He does, and He delights in using me and He delights in using you.

The craziest thing I find as I dig deeper into Scripture is God's pleasure in calling the seemingly "unqualified" to participate in His holy works. He called and used an adulterer, a prostitute, a denier, a murderer, and so many more. He called each of these people "for such a time as this" to courage and to action. He called these people to find joy in Him so that His light could shine through them. I am thankful that He delights in using broken people and messy lives because I desperately want to be used by Him.

So, me, joyful? Alone, definitely not. But, with God? Absolutely.