Maybe I want to be alone all the time. Maybe I don’t feel like making myself presentable in order to go out in public participating in plans I knew I’d never keep. Maybe I’d much rather start and end my day in the same pajamas, never leaving my bed. Maybe I’m my favorite company, my own best friend. Maybe I’d rather sit in my room listening to music or reading a book, not having to pretend I’m interested in your stories about how drunk you got last weekend or what boy you hooked up with. Maybe I’d rather stay in alone, knowing I could do whatever I want, and I can go to sleep whenever I want. Knowing I don’t have to entertain anyone else. Maybe I like being an introvert.
I once thought that the amount of friends you had determined the kind of person you were. The more friends, the more social events you were taking place in, the more desirable you became. Like your self worth relied on your ability to connect with others, and the type of person you were depended on how many people were inviting you out with them.
Maybe I like keeping to myself; I feel safer that way. The less people that know my story the better. The less people I feel like I have to put on an act for the better. Maybe I know that at the end of the day, all one truly has is themselves, and I’m okay with that. Maybe I know, deep down, that I have to put my wants and my desires before anyone else’s. That I have to take care of myself before I can worry about taking care of someone else.
I don’t want to impress you. I’m not going to go out of my way to befriend you. I’m terrible at pretending I’m interested in something I’m not, so why even bother?
Maybe I don't have much to talk about, and I don't care much for hearing you talk. Maybe I don't feel like listening to you. Maybe I just want to sit in a quiet room, just me and my thoughts. I don't mind the silence; I prefer it actually.
I like alone time. I like being able to do things on my own schedule. I like spending my time doing things I actually like, things that interest me. Not things people think I should be doing. I like having weekends to myself. I like being productive, being active, recharging my mind and my body in my own ways, on my own time, by myself.
Maybe you’ll look at me and think I’m lonely. Maybe you’ll look at me and feel sorry for me. Maybe you'll wonder how I make it through life without engaging myself in social interactions on a daily basis. Maybe I don't care about what you think, though. As J.D. Salinger says, “I’ll read my books, and I’ll drink coffee, and I’ll listen to music, and I’ll bolt the door," because maybe I like being an introvert.
