Lately I've been really craving a sense of home. I've felt homesick countless times this semester. But, I can't quite put my finger on why. I've been having these thoughts that if I were to go home, everything would be better and my mind would be put at ease. However, whenever I do go home, I don't necessarily feel the peace that I was looking for. I'm reminded of a lot, but I still feel like something is missing. It makes me question whether or not the place that I live is actually home to me. I know that there are times when I am in my home, with all of my belongings, and I desperately wish I was back in the comfort of my own apartment up at school. Having these thoughts make it difficult to figure out where I feel like I belong. Because of everything I've been thinking about, I've been doing some soul searching to figure out what exactly it is that I need in my life and what exactly is missing.
I think about it over and over and I don't necessarily miss my "home." I am fine without seeing my house. I'm fine without seeing my garage and the things that are in my home. I don't really care to miss the tv or the big bathroom. I don't miss the things inside. When I do finally get to my house, especially when I'm missing it, it feels nice to be back. But, I could probably be fine without seeing my actual house. I don't necessarily miss my town. For the most part, my town was the reason I wanted to get out in the first place. It's nice to come back, but I don't care to visit there much. I don't miss a lot of things. But I still have that homesick feeling that I can't seem to shake. It doesn't really make sense to me why I feel this way or why I'm looking for something to call home. I suppose it could be because I do have the homesick feeling and I can't figure out exactly what I'm homesick from.
Thinking now, I don't miss the materialistic aspect of home. I don't miss the things I have in my home and I don't miss the things I could do in my home. I miss the people. I miss the familiarity. I miss just being able to call up my best friend and drive to see her. I miss taking spontaneous trips in the city with my best friends. I miss having summer parties with my family. I miss the people and I don't think I can repeat that enough. However, being eight hours away from home doesn't allow for me to do any of that whenever I want. I can't just get up and walk down the street. I can't just go up the stairs to hug my dog.
I'm learning now that home isn't where you live. It's not about the house you grew up in or the apartment you moved into. It's not where you go to school or where you work. It's the people you surround yourself with. It's the things that make your home feel like a home. For me, it's not having the biggest room or the biggest closet. It's about the family I get to see and the friends I want to spend time with. Those are the things that make a home a home.
The homesick feeling I have is because I'm missing the people that I love. They're the what makes my home my home.
